"My first reaction is not that I'm not worried, my first reaction is I'm angry," said the Italian. "I'm angry because in every game I'd like to see my team win and get three points. My first emotion is not that I’m worried, it’s not the frustration, my first emotion is that I’m angry. I’m angry because in my mind I start every game with the hope to win and when we lose my first emotion is that I’m angry but I'm angry with myself not my players. We have to be very clear.
"Then I try to use this to understand the way to improve, and avoid. I don’t like the defeat. I like badly, especially the day after a defeat. For me the day after is really, really bad. I’m trying to improve myself but on one side it could be better for my spirit and my family, and on the other side I know that if I lose this anger I can lose something important to transfer to my players, for the next time to try to do everything to avoid the defeat."
Conte admitted that the day after defeats is a tough one for him and he explained what he did on Thursday after returning to Hotspur Way in the early hours from the game in Manchester.
"The day after for me is a bit difficult. I try to speak with my staff to find the right solution to transfer the right message to the players," he said. "I have to transfer in every moment to go in the right direction. I think that when you don't get a good result, the first step to become a winner is that you have to feel the defeat in yourself.
"In every club that I've worked at I tried to transfer this to my players because if I am the only person to feel the defeat [it is not good]. If my players and all the people in this environment start to understand that a defeat is different than a win, I think this is the first step to becoming a winner.
"I think that my players are starting this process. I think so. They are starting this process, to feel that the defeat hurts them."
Conte spoke in the aftermath of the United game about it being a difficult one to throw the young players on his bench into and he expanded on Friday on the need for experience during tough periods in matches.
"Experience is very important in these situations. Sometimes when you are suffering, I was a player and you take the ball and you put it outside the stadium so that you can breathe, or if you have injury you stay (down)," he said. "I see many, many teams in England, they understand the moment when they are suffering. One player stops, wastes time. In this period you breathe. Your mind becomes clear again. This is experience.
"The team that is used to winning, they have everything and experience is also important. You can't buy experience. You can only improve by playing, playing, playing, facing situations and finding solutions. If you are suffering a lot you have to understand that maybe it is not the right moment to continue playing from the back. Go up, with a long ball, fight for the second ball. These are the types of situations where we can improve and we are working on these aspects. To have experienced players in my opinion is very, very, very important because in these moments they are good at managing these situations."
Spurs have been labelled as 'too nice' in the past with former boss Mauricio Pochettino once claiming that the whole club needed to learn more about the dark arts after a Champions League defeat to Juventus. Conte believes that it is all part of the evolution Tottenham must go through.
"I like to talk about a process. I know we need a process to go step by step, to become a really, really strong team and to become title contenders," he said. "I like to speak about the process because I know and I feel that this club and this team needed our process. Not in 10 months or 1 year, and click, you can do it, everything is ok, you are title contenders and better than City, Chelsea, Liverpool, United and Arsenal.
"You try to do it but you have to know there is a path. This path is compulsory. You have to go through this if you want to fight for something special and win trophies."
When asked whether the process can be speeded up in the transfer market, Conte said: "In this process you have to involve many situations. Before reaching an important level we have to go through a path and improve the quality, improve the number of players in the squad, especially if we are to play Champions League and Premier League, but this is part of the process.
"Then it depends what we want, a long process, a short process, a medium process. You have the solutions but you have to know we need to have patience. I have great respect for the club and what the club wants to try to do but at the same time I know our possibilities are different to the monsters that are in England.
"There is a difference. It doesn’t mean my aspiration is not to fight at the same level, but I think you need to have time, patience, don’t make mistakes in the transfer market. Many situations, but it’s normal for a club like Tottenham in this moment."
The Spurs head coach was particularly disappointed with the mistakes his players made with the ball at Old Trafford in midweek, whether through decision-making or poorly executed passes.
"Honestly when we had the ball, we had the ball 50-50 during the game, we could exploit much better offensive situations. Instead, many times, we made bad decisions and I think we did a lot of mistakes," he said. "The passes were not [with] great accuracy. We lost a lot of stupid balls because the way that we prepared to attack United, in my opinion, was good. We were prepared to hurt them with the ball and then I think that we could do much better to try to exploit much better offensive situations.
"But you know very well in the big games when the level is high, the pressure is high. You know much better than me because you are English – to play at Old Trafford is not simple, not easy. A lot of noise, amazing atmosphere, the fans push a lot.
"The level of your opponent is really high and for sure the pressure is really high. For this reason, the step that we have to do [is] to try to cope also with this pressure. Especially I repeat because I think the way to attack and hurt them was good in the idea but at the same time you know that you have to have more accuracy in every situation, to try to have a good finish. I think we could do much better in this aspect."
