Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

[nayimfromthehalfwayline]

Exactly.
I realized my biggest trigger the past few days. I won't tolerate my effort, characters or integrity being attacked.
Literally a huge part in why I just split with the GF.

One of her preconceptions was that because I like football it was completely incompatible with like theatre, art and being sensitive. And that I must be full of toxic masculinity.

Feeling pretty down and lonely now. It was new and I had such high hopes - more fool me. But I know my worth and won't be demeaned.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm too sensitive though.

I am very similar. I can tolerate a lot, show the patience of a saint, but press those kind of buttons and thats a different thing altogether.

"I know my worth" is an incredibly valuable statement to make, as a reader (with all the anonymity the forum affords) its a real positive to me. Theres no filter/preconception, and so having the 'luxury' of not knowing you from Adam, all I see are words. I think its actually a benefit.

And while you might be down now, its the sort of attitude Id suggest puts you in good stead.


Again completely from ignorance, if you are concerned about being sensitive, perhaps give yourself the comfort of a "rule"?

If you were to be sure of making the effort to explain your feelings before things got to a point of no return, and then make the effort to give a chance to observe change, you would feel better? I mean, ideally things work out from there. If they dont though, at least you know you gave it a shot...

 

[Moby]

So I'm stuck in a bit of a cycle. I think it all boils down at base level to the fact that I don't like myself very much.

I consider myself to be mentally frail as a result of having plenty of previous in terms of giving up on things at the slightest difficulty. It's sometimes like I enjoy seeing myself fail at things because it sort of proves me right in the long run. As it seems, I'm not really on my own side most of the time.

I have these internal get outs, and not to sound like I'm trying to be too deep here but do spend a fair bit of time wondering what the point is in anything. I also do wonder what exactly it is I am meant to be doing.

I wince at the "just do what makes you happy" suggestions. My happiest times have been not based in reality as it's always involved a delusion of financial freedom, large amounts of intoxicants and very little responsibility in terms of work / family / relationships and this combination always leads to an eventual sudden need to rely on family for a place to stay for me to get my feet back on the ground. I know if it wasn't for family members I'd probably have ended up homeless due to my recklessness. The family members aren't surprised when it all goes tits up and the same happens again.

A big problem is a lack of faith in my own cognitive abilities. I read books on things I'm interested in and grasp the concepts but barely any of the information is retained. I've reread non fiction books 3 times and looking at the page I can remember I've taken in the information before but I would never be able to recall it in conversation in a way that'd be actually meaningful / pertinent.

It is like most I suppose but I have real times of lacking any gumption to achieve anything whatsoever. I have a lot of goals that seem feasible but when it comes to day to day effort, after working just an 8 hour day + commute + 1 hour in gym + sorting food out etc you've got about 1.5 hours free if you want to get what is deemed as the optimal amount of sleep before doing the same thing all over again the next day. This is without kids + mrs or mortgage or whatever...

I hope it doesn't seem melodramatic to post in this thread, I'm not trying to say I have a mental health problem. I don't understand enough about it to say I do but there have been long spells of simply not wanting to exist, which (not wanting to go full radiohead) have seemed logical based on how dreary life can be sometimes. I'm not quite at that stage now but have fallen back to ticking the days off without doing / learning much.

I cut booze out completely a couple of months ago as I've been a heavy drinker a times and have smoked a j a couple of times since september. The thing is that without these things that very honestly, I hugely enjoy, I'm still not really achieving anything and have just taken away some excuses I previously had and thus enables more self hatred as I eluded to at the start of this post. Hard to break these cycles.

General tips which have improved my focus and also my sense of purpose:

Focus: You mention sleep - how much do you get each night and on average per week? do you track it?
Try giving up caffeine and stimulants. Look at things like green tea and ashwagandha tablets instead.
Try introducing daily breathing exercises, mindfulness activities, and I’d strongly recommend a meditation practice.
Go for walks in nature. Leave your phone at home.
Cut out tech in general, getting sucked into social media and news apps. Avoid time filling TV.

Purpose: a Daily gratitude diary works wonders.
Reconnect with friends - but face to face not on the smart phone.
Remember something you did as a kid which gave you pleasure. Train set, star gazing, running, cycling, listening to vinyl, whatever. start to do it again.
Have a clear out and a declutter.
give to charity.
Do things daily for other people.

Just a few things which might help mate.

 

[Grays_1890]

I have had plenty of down moments particularly with my ex and childcare issues. What I found helped alot:

- Sleep, good nights sleep was probably the best cure, woke up more and more like a new man when I got into a good patern.
- Exercise, again got in a good routine and once in that routine I did not look back, the feeling after each session was one of victory
- Less drinking, not that I was a massive drinker but with my work came reasons to drink socially eve if it was one at lunch with a client, never one to drink at home however even adjusting the odd drink for no alcohol contributed to sleep being easier and general good feeling.
- Remember the thing you once love and do it. For me it was a hobby, I started playing darts again, its easy to drop something you love for other interests than once gone leave a void or a perceived lack of time on your hands, always make time, do what you love have that purpose for yourself again.

 

[spurspinter1]

@spurspinter1
Firstly, certainly no melodrama. The fact you took the time to post shows you have you are concerned by. That's why this magnificent thread helps. From memory, the first few pages talk about the strength and understanding it takes to open the box.

We can't be counsellors - but we can have your back.
Sounds like there "might" be some mild depression there - the lack of motivation and seeing any point or meaning in things.

You were saying you get enjoyment from things outside the real world. Could there be something that gives a similar escape that is non chemical? Writing? Novels? Computer games? Could they take you away "real life"? I know for me, it's music. I can be at a gig and not give a damn about anything else for two hours.

Re; retaining information etc. I would recommend having a look at CBT - it can help get your thoughts in order. It may help. It may not.

I would say, whatever it is you try from here - take small steps. Build foundations - even if you have no idea what they are for just yet.

Re; do what makes you happy. That's utter bollox for hallmark cards. Discover what serves you. Don't be afraid to give things up - just make sure the choice is for you. Things that are worth your time will serve you to the point you'll put the effort in to retain them. Sounds like your family does.
This forum does - there are plenty of others, but you put the effort in to make this place what it is.

Appreciate your words here mate. The escapes for me are an interesting one, I do in theory have a lot of interests and things I wanna do and have been out and about doing those things for a while but the weekend before last I just kind of came to a bit of a stand still really. At my worst I've been a very reclusive person that can sit and pointlessly browse the internet and binge eat for weeks on end without wanting to do anything but on the other hand I can be very active and outgoing. I suppose like everything it's finding a balance.

I think everyone needs some escapism, though my recent state has been one of just blocking everything out and coasting through the days.

You mention finding things that are worth my time, which I completely get and I'll pre-empt this with a clear indicator that I don't feel good about it, when in the kind of mindset I have been stuck in, time doesn't seem like a precious commodity but more something I'm just looking to pass by. I'm all too aware that there are those that have had time taken away from them far far too soon and it can be a cycling of self loathing to know I'm not appreciating it whatsover..

Like I mentioned with substances, I've done spells with and without various things and still am struggling to find what "triggers" me to have a complete lack of self confidence / motivation / interest in things. I know I'm not happy with my current living situation but making drastic changes just take me back down previous routes I've already been down.

Absolutely all of this.

@spurspinter1 , youre looking for answers - thats a massive step to achieving some improvement within yourself on its own.

I know local to me there are mental health services, and its not all counselling - they do CBT online for example, perhaps worth looking into seeing if you have similar available to you?

Cheers Nayim, will look in to it. Think I could do with getting a routine with that kind of thing. I'm sure there must be a handy app but lord knows I'd resent paying for something that might actually benefit me!

General tips which have improved my focus and also my sense of purpose:

Focus: You mention sleep - how much do you get each night and on average per week? do you track it?
Try giving up caffeine and stimulants. Look at things like green tea and ashwagandha tablets instead.
Try introducing daily breathing exercises, mindfulness activities, and I’d strongly recommend a meditation practice.
Go for walks in nature. Leave your phone at home.
Cut out tech in general, getting sucked into social media and news apps. Avoid time filling TV.

Purpose: a Daily gratitude diary works wonders.
Reconnect with friends - but face to face not on the smart phone.
Remember something you did as a kid which gave you pleasure. Train set, star gazing, running, cycling, listening to vinyl, whatever. start to do it again.
Have a clear out and a declutter.
give to charity.
Do things daily for other people.

Just a few things which might help mate.

Thanks for the tips Jon.

Sleep is an interesting one. Once I get in to this kind of cycle sleep is essentially a break from myself so if anything I probably get too much which probably causes as many issues as not getting enough. I used to really struggle getting sleep but now it's much easier, and I'm doing a brick ton of regular exercise which helps but honestly, recently I've been calling it a day at like 9pm just out of sheer boredom / wanting to reach a blissful kind of numbness.

I don't know if this is pedantic but green tea has a lot of caffeine! I have been in to my tea and coffee as something to enjoy but have never had a regular "morning brew" or afternoon perk up as I never wanted to rely on it for energy. The more I've been thinking about how I have been feeling I am certain it is linked with diet though, I know I've slipped in to really bad habits that have got to stop but Christmas is a tough time to get back and disciplined!

This is a dumb question as well but what do you mean by a meditation practice? I feel the closest I've come to that kind of thing was a yoga session at this free trial I had at a gym and did enjoy it a lot.

You are spot on with getting back in to a previous childhood hobby, I have my mind on something but I am a very self inflicted kind of skint that doesn't make it easy..

 

[Moby]

Hi mate, on sleep I know you say you’re getting to bed a lot out of boredom but are you sleeping! I wear a Fitbit (charge 3) all the time and find it invaluable for logging my actual sleep. Ive now learned that my mood and ups and downs are always 100% nailed on to my sleep (including quality of, not just quantity).
Benefit of the Fitbit also is obviously tracking my steps and movement in the day. It gets me out of the door when I wouldn’t normally bother. I go for walks in the park, up to the local coffee shop and talk to people, maybe help a few people out when out and about - all makes me feel good at the end of the day.

Re green tea - sorry, yes should have been more specific! I have a cup of green in the morning - it’s got caffeine but not huge amounts. I also have mint tea, lots of rooibus (good for my asthma), lemon and ginger (also good for asthma throat) and tumeric (good for inflammation reduction - as again asthma but also stress). The ashwaghanda I mentioned is great for that too as well as putting you in a great mood.
So, what I meant was kill the coffee if your sleep is off - and then replace it with hand picked herbal teas etc to achieve the outcome you actually want.

Meditation. I practice something called Vedic meditation. It’s really easy and after fixing my sleep issue I would say it’s been the next most positively impactful thing on my life. It doesn’t involve yoga. It’s just 20 minutes of closing your eyes and letting you mind go wild with thoughts, using a subtle mantra to allow yourself to casually and eventually drop below those thoughts, and you start to achieve almost like a dream like state of easy flowing random thoughts. You eventually drop into a quiet thoughtless zone, but you don’t know you’re there when you do! You only know because time goes quick. I’ve done 20 minute meditations and had my timer go off after what felt like 2 minutes!
As a minimum, 20 mins with your mind free to roam and not do job lists, or read your phone is a great gift to give it! The longer benefits are it starts to repair your mind and mood and longer term releases stress from the body. It’s a big topic and I’d needs hours to give you all the info but hopefully that gives you a flavour. Ask away if any questions!

 

[Moby]

You mentioned diet to someone. I’d put that right after sleep as one of the biggest influencers of mood.
Cut the sugar and processed foods. Fill up on unprocessed, 5 greens, try and eat the rainbow of colours each day etc. This helped me so much.
It also meant I cut out dairy and bread a hell of a lot. I have no proof they were an issue but I’d be interested to know one day if my stomach was struggling with them.
Your stomach / microbiome hugely influences your mood. Look after your stomach and it looks after your body and brain.

 

[markysimmo]

Things have improved at home the past few days, it's a nice excited for Christmas atmosphere today in the house

 

[Danishfurniturelover]

Things have improved at home the past few days, it's a nice excited for Christmas atmosphere today in the house

That will change when they smell your farts after you have had your brussels on xmas day.

We dont have brussels, wont let them in the house i hate the EU so much.

 

[monkeybarry]

Anyone take any meds for anxiety?

Good through another mini anxiety exhaustion slump. Feeling massively overwhelmed and down. Mentally paralyzed and really lonely and a bit hopeless.
I know it'll pass. But just so fudging sick of it. So sick of being knocked down and it taking forever to get energy back up.

Always avoided the medication route in the past. I want to stay in control of who I am and not be clouded by chemicals. But I might have to revisit that conversation

 

[SteveAWOL]

Anyone take any meds for anxiety?

Good through another mini anxiety exhaustion slump. Feeling massively overwhelmed and down. Mentally paralyzed and really lonely and a bit hopeless.
I know it'll pass. But just so fudging sick of it. So sick of being knocked down and it taking forever to get energy back up.

Always avoided the medication route in the past. I want to stay in control of who I am and not be clouded by chemicals. But I might have to revisit that conversation

I was prescribed Amitriptyline for anxiety / migraines a few years ago (which was triggered by stress of mum being diagnosed with dementia) and whilst it did leave me rather numb for first few weeks it helped take the edge off. Thankfully only need to take the tablets occasionally nowadays.

 

[monkeybarry]

I was prescribed Amitriptyline for anxiety / migraines a few years ago (which was triggered by stress of mum being diagnosed with dementia) and whilst it did leave me rather numb for first few weeks it helped take the edge off. Thankfully only need to take the tablets occasionally nowadays.

That's interesting. So it's like a boost when you need it rather than a daily thing? So you know you are the real you

 

[SteveAWOL]

That's interesting. So it's like a boost when you need it rather than a daily thing? So you know you are the real you

I don’t know if boost is quite how I’d describe it but if I’m suffering from a bout of insomnia or just having a stressful day / week then I find the Amitriptyline takes the edge off, so I’m not expending so much nervous energy.

Thankfully the January blues haven’t really hit me thus far this year but in the past I found it a helpful medication, although the Amitriptyline has ruined my tolerance for alcohol but that might be considered an upside.

 

[monkeybarry]

I don’t know if boost is quite how I’d describe it but if I’m suffering from a bout of insomnia or just having a stressful day / week then I find the Amitriptyline takes the edge off, so I’m not expending so much nervous energy.

Thankfully the January blues haven’t really hit me thus far this year but in the past I found it a helpful medication, although the Amitriptyline has ruined my tolerance for alcohol but that might be considered an upside.

Thanks for sharing mate.
I get really bad insomnia - haven't gone to sleep naturally before 1.30am for a few years.

I'm thinking alcohol needs to become minimal anyway. So probably an extra help!
Definitely need to have a chat with my Dr, I have tried doing it without medication. It's not working for me

 

[ricky2tricky4city]

Thanks for sharing mate.
I get really bad insomnia - haven't gone to sleep naturally before 1.30am for a few years.

I'm thinking alcohol needs to become minimal anyway. So probably an extra help!
Definitely need to have a chat with my Dr, I have tried doing it without medication. It's not working for me

Are you exercising or doing any type of meditation, breathing exercises?

 

[monkeybarry]

Are you exercising or doing any type of meditation, breathing exercises?

Oh, good point!
I play sport twice a week. But haven't for a month due to Xmas off season. And to the gym twice a week.
I have a habit of overloading myself with things to do, which doesn't help. I hate no having things planned. But then often plan too much and get overwhelmed.

Usually coincides with starting to date again too. Takes alot of energy.

 

[Bullet]

Oh, good point!
I play sport twice a week. But haven't for a month due to Xmas off season. And to the gym twice a week.
I have a habit of overloading myself with things to do, which doesn't help. I hate no having things planned. But then often plan too much and get overwhelmed.

Usually coincides with starting to date again too. Takes alot of energy.

If it helps, I do sport zero times per week and go to the gym zero times per week and have zero things planned and am thus not overwhelmed.

 

[monkeybarry]

If it helps, I do sport zero times per week and go to the gym zero times per week and have zero things planned and am thus not overwhelmed.

That genuinely makes me anxious knowing that!!

That said, I'm in Krakow at the moment. Was going to go into a bar earlier for a drink and watch the random football they had on.
Yeah.....it was a recent CL game in which Bayern scored alot

 

[Kandi1977]

I have a cunning plan of how I'll get fit and in better shape.
I'll get myself lost.
Every time someone is lost, and later found, the report says they were found in good shape.

 

[monkeybarry]

I have a cunning plan of how I'll get fit and in better shape.
I'll get myself lost.
Every time someone is lost, and later found, the report says they were in good shape.

It doesn't say which Shape

 

[Moby]

Anyone seen @Danishfurniturelover recently?