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Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

Danishfurniturelover said:
I find it very hard to tell when it is my illness that is causing my rage or the fact that everyone else in the world is a cnut.

Came back from a long cycle ride, coming across pelican crossing and car is not slowing down for me, so i carry on and think fcuk it do your worse. Guys slams on his breaks and shouts at me. I got so angry i pushed the passenger side window cracking it. Offered the guy out but like all bullies he pussied out.

Now some might say this is disproportionate behaviour. I just thoughtthe guy was a cnut and was channeling my inner walter white.

The wife says i need to learn to learn to walk away. Were in London Wednesday for a carol concert at St. Martin's then dinner with friends. Says she is worried how i will behave if the are protesters about. Honestly if they dont bother me i wont bother them. But way i feel know if one person male or female young or old screams in my face or pushes me i will take my belt off and fcuking strangle them.
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Take your riding into the woods. No cars there, just lots of oxygen to make you feel good.
 
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markysimmo said:
I'm defo feeling a bit under-appreciated at home at the moment
I provide for the family, work my nuts off for them but am not getting too much back currently, feel a bit taken for granted really
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I know that feeling well mate, I think its a pretty common thing among men/husbands/fathers.

I feel taken for granted pretty well all the time, its like "dont worry about him, he's always fine"

I suspect we wont be the only ones here who can identify with that one
 
So I'm stuck in a bit of a cycle. I think it all boils down at base level to the fact that I don't like myself very much.

I consider myself to be mentally frail as a result of having plenty of previous in terms of giving up on things at the slightest difficulty. It's sometimes like I enjoy seeing myself fail at things because it sort of proves me right in the long run. As it seems, I'm not really on my own side most of the time.

I have these internal get outs, and not to sound like I'm trying to be too deep here but do spend a fair bit of time wondering what the point is in anything. I also do wonder what exactly it is I am meant to be doing.

I wince at the "just do what makes you happy" suggestions. My happiest times have been not based in reality as it's always involved a delusion of financial freedom, large amounts of intoxicants and very little responsibility in terms of work / family / relationships and this combination always leads to an eventual sudden need to rely on family for a place to stay for me to get my feet back on the ground. I know if it wasn't for family members I'd probably have ended up homeless due to my recklessness. The family members aren't surprised when it all goes tits up and the same happens again.

A big problem is a lack of faith in my own cognitive abilities. I read books on things I'm interested in and grasp the concepts but barely any of the information is retained. I've reread non fiction books 3 times and looking at the page I can remember I've taken in the information before but I would never be able to recall it in conversation in a way that'd be actually meaningful / pertinent.

It is like most I suppose but I have real times of lacking any gumption to achieve anything whatsoever. I have a lot of goals that seem feasible but when it comes to day to day effort, after working just an 8 hour day + commute + 1 hour in gym + sorting food out etc you've got about 1.5 hours free if you want to get what is deemed as the optimal amount of sleep before doing the same thing all over again the next day. This is without kids + mrs or mortgage or whatever...

I hope it doesn't seem melodramatic to post in this thread, I'm not trying to say I have a mental health problem. I don't understand enough about it to say I do but there have been long spells of simply not wanting to exist, which (not wanting to go full radiohead) have seemed logical based on how dreary life can be sometimes. I'm not quite at that stage now but have fallen back to ticking the days off without doing / learning much.

I cut booze out completely a couple of months ago as I've been a heavy drinker a times and have smoked a j a couple of times since september. The thing is that without these things that very honestly, I hugely enjoy, I'm still not really achieving anything and have just taken away some excuses I previously had and thus enables more self hatred as I eluded to at the start of this post. Hard to break these cycles.
 
@spurspinter1
Firstly, certainly no melodrama. The fact you took the time to post shows you have you are concerned by. That's why this magnificent thread helps. From memory, the first few pages talk about the strength and understanding it takes to open the box.

We can't be counsellors - but we can have your back.
Sounds like there "might" be some mild depression there - the lack of motivation and seeing any point or meaning in things.

You were saying you get enjoyment from things outside the real world. Could there be something that gives a similar escape that is non chemical? Writing? Novels? Computer games? Could they take you away "real life"? I know for me, it's music. I can be at a gig and not give a damn about anything else for two hours.

Re; retaining information etc. I would recommend having a look at CBT - it can help get your thoughts in order. It may help. It may not.

I would say, whatever it is you try from here - take small steps. Build foundations - even if you have no idea what they are for just yet.

Re; do what makes you happy. That's utter bollox for hallmark cards. Discover what serves you. Don't be afraid to give things up - just make sure the choice is for you. Things that are worth your time will serve you to the point you'll put the effort in to retain them. Sounds like your family does.
This forum does - there are plenty of others, but you put the effort in to make this place what it is.
 
nayimfromthehalfwayline said:
Thats why its good to have places like this available to us.
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Exactly.
I realized my biggest trigger the past few days. I won't tolerate my effort, characters or integrity being attacked.
Literally a huge part in why I just split with the GF.

One of her preconceptions was that because I like football it was completely incompatible with like theatre, art and being sensitive. And that I must be full of toxic masculinity.

Feeling pretty down and lonely now. It was new and I had such high hopes - more fool me. But I know my worth and won't be demeaned.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm too sensitive though.
 
monkeybarry said:
Exactly.
I realized my biggest trigger the past few days. I won't tolerate my effort, characters or integrity being attacked.
Literally a huge part in why I just split with the GF.

One of her preconceptions was that because I like football it was completely incompatible with like theatre, art and being sensitive. And that I must be full of toxic masculinity.

Feeling pretty down and lonely now. It was new and I had such high hopes - more fool me. But I know my worth and won't be demeaned.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm too sensitive though.
Click to expand...

Im the same mate, i love football and theatre but people dont think the two are compatible. I can also be sensitive. Think it comes back to that old thing that men cant be sensitive or have feelings.
 
spurspinter1 said:
So I'm stuck in a bit of a cycle. I think it all boils down at base level to the fact that I don't like myself very much.

I consider myself to be mentally frail as a result of having plenty of previous in terms of giving up on things at the slightest difficulty. It's sometimes like I enjoy seeing myself fail at things because it sort of proves me right in the long run. As it seems, I'm not really on my own side most of the time.

I have these internal get outs, and not to sound like I'm trying to be too deep here but do spend a fair bit of time wondering what the point is in anything. I also do wonder what exactly it is I am meant to be doing.

I wince at the "just do what makes you happy" suggestions. My happiest times have been not based in reality as it's always involved a delusion of financial freedom, large amounts of intoxicants and very little responsibility in terms of work / family / relationships and this combination always leads to an eventual sudden need to rely on family for a place to stay for me to get my feet back on the ground. I know if it wasn't for family members I'd probably have ended up homeless due to my recklessness. The family members aren't surprised when it all goes tits up and the same happens again.

A big problem is a lack of faith in my own cognitive abilities. I read books on things I'm interested in and grasp the concepts but barely any of the information is retained. I've reread non fiction books 3 times and looking at the page I can remember I've taken in the information before but I would never be able to recall it in conversation in a way that'd be actually meaningful / pertinent.

It is like most I suppose but I have real times of lacking any gumption to achieve anything whatsoever. I have a lot of goals that seem feasible but when it comes to day to day effort, after working just an 8 hour day + commute + 1 hour in gym + sorting food out etc you've got about 1.5 hours free if you want to get what is deemed as the optimal amount of sleep before doing the same thing all over again the next day. This is without kids + mrs or mortgage or whatever...

I hope it doesn't seem melodramatic to post in this thread, I'm not trying to say I have a mental health problem. I don't understand enough about it to say I do but there have been long spells of simply not wanting to exist, which (not wanting to go full radiohead) have seemed logical based on how dreary life can be sometimes. I'm not quite at that stage now but have fallen back to ticking the days off without doing / learning much.

I cut booze out completely a couple of months ago as I've been a heavy drinker a times and have smoked a j a couple of times since september. The thing is that without these things that very honestly, I hugely enjoy, I'm still not really achieving anything and have just taken away some excuses I previously had and thus enables more self hatred as I eluded to at the start of this post. Hard to break these cycles.
Click to expand...

Think a lot of that sounds like self sabotage to me. Read up on it, explains so much of the issues in my own life.

We all need to learn to be kind to ourselves.
 
Danishfurniturelover said:
Im the same mate, i love football and theatre but people dont think the two are compatible. I can also be sensitive. Think it comes back to that old thing that men cant be sensitive or have feelings.
Click to expand...
Exactly.
I often find it's "feminists" that have the hardest time understanding that too.
In their quest for equality they appear to have forgotten that it's about not creating profiles based on stereotypes and creating judgements based on individuality.
(Of course, for some people it may just be a label to hide behind to cover for their own inadequacy)
 
monkeybarry said:
@spurspinter1
Firstly, certainly no melodrama. The fact you took the time to post shows you have you are concerned by. That's why this magnificent thread helps. From memory, the first few pages talk about the strength and understanding it takes to open the box.

We can't be counsellors - but we can have your back.
Sounds like there "might" be some mild depression there - the lack of motivation and seeing any point or meaning in things.

You were saying you get enjoyment from things outside the real world. Could there be something that gives a similar escape that is non chemical? Writing? Novels? Computer games? Could they take you away "real life"? I know for me, it's music. I can be at a gig and not give a damn about anything else for two hours.

Re; retaining information etc. I would recommend having a look at CBT - it can help get your thoughts in order. It may help. It may not.

I would say, whatever it is you try from here - take small steps. Build foundations - even if you have no idea what they are for just yet.

Re; do what makes you happy. That's utter bollox for hallmark cards. Discover what serves you. Don't be afraid to give things up - just make sure the choice is for you. Things that are worth your time will serve you to the point you'll put the effort in to retain them. Sounds like your family does.
This forum does - there are plenty of others, but you put the effort in to make this place what it is.
Click to expand...

Absolutely all of this.

@spurspinter1 , youre looking for answers - thats a massive step to achieving some improvement within yourself on its own.

I know local to me there are mental health services, and its not all counselling - they do CBT online for example, perhaps worth looking into seeing if you have similar available to you?
 
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