Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

[spurspinter1]

Thanks, mate! I've been having trouble letting go of the past and moving forward, so much bad stuff happened last summer, felt like I lost everything. And on top of the shame of my psychosis (I wrote a lot of weird stuff to people that I'm deeply ashamed of) and the grief of losing a long term relationship (that ultimately wasn't good for me, of course), Ive been dragging myself down with a lot of dark thoughts about myself and what type of character I am. I've been working on seeing through that flimflam, and negative thoughts in general, how they're very often distorted and exaggerated - and that its having the thoughts themselves, and not the content of them, that is the main thing keeping me down in the gutter. As I wrote to Steff, i thankfully have a few clear days every now and then, it's like coming up for air and I can see myself actually having a life worth living eventually. Its going slow, but I'm hopefully getting there. One day at a time! Thanks for your kind words.

Just remember to not judge yourself by your worst actions, I doubt you'd do the same to others so allow yourself the same kindness and grace. Everyone out there has situations / conversations where they later on realize they should have gone a different way about things, nobody gets it perfect 1st time.

As some delight in bringing up, during my bad times I've gone absolutely off on people here, in what was essentially an unproductive way even if provoked, it still wasn't okay. That doesn't stop me doing my best to be a productive person in day to day life. Make amends where you can, but understand where it isn't appropriate/ possible to do so. In that case it's just up to you to be honest with yourself and work on whatever triggered you to being a version of yourself that you, in a clear state of mind, don't like or possibly even recognize. It's a tricky balance, you don't want to dwell on those times as fuel for self negativity but imo it's helpful as a reference, which can take a bit to confront (obviously all of this is just my opinion given my experiences which don't sound absolutely miles off what you went through but I could be mistaken as everyone's journey is different).

From the odd update it sounds like things are going well with you ie getting in to some kind of positive routine with the job as well as having a great time at a gig - Both of those are massive, huge progress. Give yourself credit, for some it's a miracle just getting out of bed / having a shower etc. For others, they stroll through life unaffected by everything, never questioning themselves or the world around them, they're the real ones to watch out for if you ask me mate!

 

[Bullet]

@Daisuk You sound like a really nice fella, turning your life around.
And I know you are very intelligent because your mushroom-powered-essays displayed a huge knowledge and a fantastic grasp of the English language that would put many Brits to shame.
So you have a lot lot lot to offer the world; in the words of David Gedge; go out and get 'em boy!

 

[Daisuk]

Sounds like you’re doing okay to me. It’s a process to get through the kind of things you’re dealing with and it sounds like you’ve accepted that, and that you are moving through it.

Glad you can see a light. Keep going, buddy.

Thanks. Yeah, it's definitely a process you can't just skip through.

Just remember to not judge yourself by your worst actions, I doubt you'd do the same to others so allow yourself the same kindness and grace. Everyone out there has situations / conversations where they later on realize they should have gone a different way about things, nobody gets it perfect 1st time.

As some delight in bringing up, during my bad times I've gone absolutely off on people here, in what was essentially an unproductive way even if provoked, it still wasn't okay. That doesn't stop me doing my best to be a productive person in day to day life. Make amends where you can, but understand where it isn't appropriate/ possible to do so. In that case it's just up to you to be honest with yourself and work on whatever triggered you to being a version of yourself that you, in a clear state of mind, don't like or possibly even recognize. It's a tricky balance, you don't want to dwell on those times as fuel for self negativity but imo it's helpful as a reference, which can take a bit to confront (obviously all of this is just my opinion given my experiences which don't sound absolutely miles off what you went through but I could be mistaken as everyone's journey is different).

From the odd update it sounds like things are going well with you ie getting in to some kind of positive routine with the job as well as having a great time at a gig - Both of those are massive, huge progress. Give yourself credit, for some it's a miracle just getting out of bed / having a shower etc. For others, they stroll through life unaffected by everything, never questioning themselves or the world around them, they're the real ones to watch out for if you ask me mate!

Yeah, I was completely out of my mind quite literally last summer, so while I have had to take responsibility for the hurt and distress I caused others while in that state, which I've done as far as I could (one person reported me to the police, so I can't even apoligize to her, but I've just had to accept that), I also have to recognize that I never willfully entered into that state, and none of the things I said to other people are things I would've said to them in my normal state. It's a process though, I still have days where I'm extremely ashamed of what I've said. I just couldn't properly cope with my ex wife having cheated on me and lied to my face for at least 10 years, and everything else she did the last year we were together - and while it's no excuse for my drug abuse, it's somewhat of a mitigating factor. I ended up doing so much drugs to take the edge of a reality I simply didn't know how to deal with / live with. It just blindsided me beyond my wits. But as you say, I'd also like to think about it as a reference for a place I don't want to go back to, while trying to not bury myself in the shame of having been there.
@Daisuk You sound like a really nice fella, turning your life around.

And I know you are very intelligent because your mushroom-powered-essays displayed a huge knowledge and a fantastic grasp of the English language that would put many Brits to shame.
So you have a lot lot lot to offer the world; in the words of David Gedge; go out and get 'em boy!

Thanks, mate! that's a little something to take from it all, I guess!

 

[thfcsteff]

Thanks. Yeah, it's definitely a process you can't just skip through.


Yeah, I was completely out of my mind quite literally last summer, so while I have had to take responsibility for the hurt and distress I caused others while in that state, which I've done as far as I could (one person reported me to the police, so I can't even apoligize to her, but I've just had to accept that), I also have to recognize that I never willfully entered into that state, and none of the things I said to other people are things I would've said to them in my normal state. It's a process though, I still have days where I'm extremely ashamed of what I've said. I just couldn't properly cope with my ex wife having cheated on me and lied to my face for at least 10 years, and everything else she did the last year we were together - and while it's no excuse for my drug abuse, it's somewhat of a mitigating factor. I ended up doing so much drugs to take the edge of a reality I simply didn't know how to deal with / live with. It just blindsided me beyond my wits. But as you say, I'd also like to think about it as a reference for a place I don't want to go back to, while trying to not bury myself in the shame of having been there.
@Daisuk You sound like a really nice fella, turning your life around.


Thanks, mate! that's a little something to take from it all, I guess!

You hopefully are starting to allow yourself the enormous pride you deserve to feel for confronting yourself, not lying to yourself, seeing your faults and responsibilities clearly, and making the hugely difficult steps to be better both to -and by- yourself (and by proxy others). It is something to be immensely proud of, and hopefully you allow its strength to absolutely minimize any lingering shame you still have in your system.

 

[spurspinter1]

Thanks. Yeah, it's definitely a process you can't just skip through.


Yeah, I was completely out of my mind quite literally last summer, so while I have had to take responsibility for the hurt and distress I caused others while in that state, which I've done as far as I could (one person reported me to the police, so I can't even apoligize to her, but I've just had to accept that), I also have to recognize that I never willfully entered into that state, and none of the things I said to other people are things I would've said to them in my normal state. It's a process though, I still have days where I'm extremely ashamed of what I've said. I just couldn't properly cope with my ex wife having cheated on me and lied to my face for at least 10 years, and everything else she did the last year we were together - and while it's no excuse for my drug abuse, it's somewhat of a mitigating factor. I ended up doing so much drugs to take the edge of a reality I simply didn't know how to deal with / live with. It just blindsided me beyond my wits. But as you say, I'd also like to think about it as a reference for a place I don't want to go back to, while trying to not bury myself in the shame of having been there.
@Daisuk You sound like a really nice fella, turning your life around.


Thanks, mate! that's a little something to take from it all, I guess!

Steff has put it better than I would have but the key is that you're approaching it head on, which is huge.

I do find the balance between reflecting openly and getting stuck in negative self talk for bygones you can't change an interesting point. It's a skill, to not get stuck beating yourself up over things that could've been done differently but to take the learning points to approach similar situations in a better way in the future. It takes time to process it all because life gets in the way and can be a bit full on, it's not something to rush given everything you've been through.

 

[Daisuk]

Steff has put it better than I would have but the key is that you're approaching it head on, which is huge.

I do find the balance between reflecting openly and getting stuck in negative self talk for bygones you can't change an interesting point. It's a skill, to not get stuck beating yourself up over things that could've been done differently but to take the learning points to approach similar situations in a better way in the future. It takes time to process it all because life gets in the way and can be a bit full on, it's not something to rush given everything you've been through.

Definitely. I'm still working on it. Some days are worse/better than others. Strangely, I've come to a place of acceptance for a lot of things more or less (well, still struggling with the one who reported me to the police, i have to admit) - our relationship was tainted from the start, I just wasn't privy to it, so it was a timebomb waiting to go off - and I guess better now than in another five or ten years down the line (though i would've massively prefered to have gotten to know about her infidilety when it happened all the way back in 2013 of course). So I am where I am, feels like some sort of ground zero - I have next to nothing, but I'm determined to climb up for myself and for my son, I just have to, although the pain of a life turned completely on its head is still very real. I'll be back eventually!

 

[Daisuk]

I've finally gotten the bipolar diagnosis today, so will start with lithium tomorrow. Glad to finally be starting. Been waiting for months. Really hope it works. Being constantly depressed bricktalking yourself in the head is not a way to live. Fingers crossed.

 

[Danishfurniturelover]

I've finally gotten the bipolar diagnosis today, so will start with lithium tomorrow. Glad to finally be starting. Been waiting for months. Really hope it works. Being constantly depressed bricktalking yourself in the head is not a way to live. Fingers crossed.

Good luck mate.