Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

[thfcsteff]

Just visiting again. El Guepardo...so glad you took the steps you needed to for this moment...yes, exercise, tears, acknowledging it and how futile it can feel are vital. My wife suffers from depression and has worked her way into being able to deal with it very well. My daughter is a high-wire act 24/7, wired to pick the difficult path in life, blessed with enormous talent by crushing anxiety and depression, we have been dealing with it for years and she is amassing quite a toolbox...I'm sure many here have similar experiences. Many here suffer them personally. I have to say, I have never seen more supportive words shared in any forum than this one, so keep coming back as often as you need to mate.

I would like to share something which helps me deal with the stress I take on dealing with that stuff around me...I look to depersonalize as much of it as possible. Most of the time, things which offend me aren't about me! (I should apply that to this forum eh, hahahahahaha!)...but seriously, it isn't personal. Then, whenever it feels like one of my ladies is going to be in their "place" for a period of time, I shut down everything around me for 45 mins or so and sit outside, with some tea or coffee, and just look at small incredible things. It could be a wasp or a bee, it could be a bird, whatever. I trip on their colors, the way they're put together, all of it. Mind-blowing stuff when you take time to look. And somewhere in there, it helps me restrengthen, refortify and re-approach with a sense of calm, positivity and empathy. It is a form of meditation, a way to simplify complicated times. I do not put lemons in a bowl and check their aura via their color (!!!!!) but seriously, maybe you will find it helpful.

 

[ricky2tricky4city]

Just visiting again. El Guepardo...so glad you took the steps you needed to for this moment...yes, exercise, tears, acknowledging it and how futile it can feel are vital. My wife suffers from depression and has worked her way into being able to deal with it very well. My daughter is a high-wire act 24/7, wired to pick the difficult path in life, blessed with enormous talent by crushing anxiety and depression, we have been dealing with it for years and she is amassing quite a toolbox...I'm sure many here have similar experiences. Many here suffer them personally. I have to say, I have never seen more supportive words shared in any forum than this one, so keep coming back as often as you need to mate.

I would like to share something which helps me deal with the stress I take on dealing with that stuff around me...I look to depersonalize as much of it as possible. Most of the time, things which offend me aren't about me! (I should apply that to this forum eh, hahahahahaha!)...but seriously, it isn't personal. Then, whenever it feels like one of my ladies is going to be in their "place" for a period of time, I shut down everything around me for 45 mins or so and sit outside, with some tea or coffee, and just look at small incredible things. It could be a wasp or a bee, it could be a bird, whatever. I trip on their colors, the way they're put together, all of it. Mind-blowing stuff when you take time to look. And somewhere in there, it helps me restrengthen, refortify and re-approach with a sense of calm, positivity and empathy. It is a form of meditation, a way to simplify complicated times. I do not put lemons in a bowl and check their aura via their color (!!!!!) but seriously, maybe you will find it helpful.

Those smal moments and basically good old daydreaming have been eradicated by the thing I'm looking at right now.

There's trouble ahead.

 

[thfcsteff]

Those smal moments and basically good old daydreaming have been eradicated by the thing I'm looking at right now.

There's trouble ahead.

Oh I hear you my friend. There is always trouble ahead somewhere, I just focus on the good stuff that will subsequently happen! But I wholly -and I mean wholly!- accept that this is trite-ism for many who try damn hard and cannot climb out of the hole. I really get it.

 

[Daisuk]

I haven't been in this thread for a while. Hope you're feeling better now, el guepardo! brick can be so intensely bleak at times, and sometimes for long, but there's always always always things to try out - really glad you phoned the samaritans. We're here for you, mate.

I've really climbed out of the hole I was in for the past three years. These past few months have been a revelation. Starting meds that actually work and changing jobs have worked miracles for me. Feeling so much better. Pretty much all of the dark brick I was thinking all the time for more than three years is more or less gone now. Life is worth living again. I got energy for things and feel interested in things again.

Not writing it to boast, just to hopefully shed a glimmer of hope to fellow sufferers out there - brick can change!

 

[Hotshot-Tottenham]

I feel pretty low.

I posted before about my wife’s illness and dealing with that is taking its toll on me.

She’s still refusing treatment and I feel like the way she’s chosen to manage her illness has effectively sacrificed our relationship.

It’s destroying my confidence and any semblance of self esteem that I had. I feel so weak that I end up paralysed and I can’t do anything about it, such is the dread of trying to deal with it.

It’s spilling into to my work life. I feel like a fraud and that I’m making it up as I go. I’ve screwed a couple of things up recently and I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I’ve let things go that I’ve been unhappy with because of the lack of self worth.

Whatever I’m going through it’s worse for my wife. She’s unable to work and she doesn’t really have any friends. Financially things are tight and I feel bad when I say we can’t do something or have something because she doesn’t have much to look forward to. Then conversely she’ll push and push and I end up overspending. If I’m honest she guilt trips me into it and I’m too weak to refuse, and she can very defensive very quickly which I just can’t deal with.

It was her birthday and I feel like a prick because I was quiet because I was worried about money on gifts and a day out. I did try to say a few days before that we should cut our cloth accordingly but she essentially said that I was being mean. Then I get frustrated (always internally, I never argue with her) that I feel she’s more concerned with having what she wants than understanding that spending whatever amount makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Her spending has got out of control in the past (in large part because of her illness) and I’m hyper-sensitive to that feeling of losing control of the finances.

After everything I still love her and I know her illness is not her fault. I just can’t carry on like this for either of our sakes. We’re in a vicious circle and I’m seeing our lives pass us by.

I tried counselling but it gets expensive and I called the Samaritans a couple of months back which helped in that particular moment. Being blunt, the feeling of self-harm never fully goes away and is quick to rush back whenever my defences are low. I can keep it at bay but I don’t think it’s a normal or rational response.

Weirdly, it does help just typing it all out.

 

[nayimfromthehalfwayline]

Really sorry to hear that mate.

I know myself, nothing worse than feeling stuck without an plan to get out of that current low or to get to a better situation.

I also know how somoene elses illness is destructive to those around them, as much as themselves.

And my experience at times left me angry with them for not seeing that, and being moved to try and help themselves - even if only for the sake of others.

Of course, then Id feel guilty for that. And then Id end up in less than ideal shape myself.

It sounds very much like she needs more help than she is getting, for both your sakes. Are there any ways in which you can impress that upon her? Are there any services that can help?

 

[Hotshot-Tottenham]

Thanks man.

She won’t get any help. She says that that’s how things are and that she’s prepared to live with the voice in her head (the symptom of the psychosis). That in itself, whilst not great, isn’t a huge problem necessarily although it is far from normal; it’s the neuroticism, anxiety and paranoia that comes with it that are very limiting for her. She refuses to go back on anti-psychotic meds.

Her previous care team - the mental health crisis team are very good, but the only way they can realistically speak to her is if I call an intervention and effectively request to have her sectioned. Without her consent to see anyone the options are limited. Sectioning is a pretty nuclear option and weirdly - day to day she’s highly functional so she presents very normally so they’re reluctant to do that.

Funnily enough she’s just had an episode where she got upset over some mislaid keys. They were mislaid for no more than 5 minutes inside the house but she accused me of lying about it, deliberately hiding them etc - all the classic delusion / paranoia that comes with her illness.

When she’s like that it makes feel like a little boy, completely beaten down. All I can do is remain calm and try to remove myself from the argument. I tried to explain that I hadn’t done anything deliberately but at that moment - when the illness is front and centre - there’s no taking to her.

 

[nayimfromthehalfwayline]

That sounds awful, really sorry its how things are.

She is ill, and the obvious thing to say is she needs to get better - but the devil of mental illness is that its very good at protecting itself. Makes it so difficult to help people help themselves.

With my Mrs it came to a head when I said we were done, I was just waiting for the inevitable break up - which was most certainly the course we were on. It seemed to snap her out of it, to a degree, enough to enable her to jump rails onto a more progressive track. She still isnt completely well, and she certainly still presents me challenges, but we are both much better for it.

Not that Im suggesting you threaten to leave her, I suppose rather - is there any way to actually get through to her?

I suspect she doesnt know she is as bad as she is, the nature of these things almost guarantees it. If theres a shot at holding a mirror up to her in a way that she can see, it has to be worth a try. Though how/what that is Im afraid I couldnt say.

 

[SpurMeUp]

I feel pretty low.

I posted before about my wife’s illness and dealing with that is taking its toll on me.

She’s still refusing treatment and I feel like the way she’s chosen to manage her illness has effectively sacrificed our relationship.

It’s destroying my confidence and any semblance of self esteem that I had. I feel so weak that I end up paralysed and I can’t do anything about it, such is the dread of trying to deal with it.

It’s spilling into to my work life. I feel like a fraud and that I’m making it up as I go. I’ve screwed a couple of things up recently and I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I’ve let things go that I’ve been unhappy with because of the lack of self worth.

Whatever I’m going through it’s worse for my wife. She’s unable to work and she doesn’t really have any friends. Financially things are tight and I feel bad when I say we can’t do something or have something because she doesn’t have much to look forward to. Then conversely she’ll push and push and I end up overspending. If I’m honest she guilt trips me into it and I’m too weak to refuse, and she can very defensive very quickly which I just can’t deal with.

It was her birthday and I feel like a prick because I was quiet because I was worried about money on gifts and a day out. I did try to say a few days before that we should cut our cloth accordingly but she essentially said that I was being mean. Then I get frustrated (always internally, I never argue with her) that I feel she’s more concerned with having what she wants than understanding that spending whatever amount makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Her spending has got out of control in the past (in large part because of her illness) and I’m hyper-sensitive to that feeling of losing control of the finances.

After everything I still love her and I know her illness is not her fault. I just can’t carry on like this for either of our sakes. We’re in a vicious circle and I’m seeing our lives pass us by.

I tried counselling but it gets expensive and I called the Samaritans a couple of months back which helped in that particular moment. Being blunt, the feeling of self-harm never fully goes away and is quick to rush back whenever my defences are low. I can keep it at bay but I don’t think it’s a normal or rational response.

Weirdly, it does help just typing it all out.

Lack of control is affecting you.

There are more sympathetic services out there she may feel better with. For example, these people have a totally different approach to voice-hearing (in the context of Schizophrenia) http://www.hearing-voices.org/ Its run by people who hear voices. They accept it. It is part them. And they deal with it by deconstructing and trying to understand them - because they understand the voices comes from them after all!

You do need to assert yourself in a calm clear way. Essentially it's we need to try some interventions or I'm not going to be able to help you. If it's the latter then you can at least put yourself first for a bit until she comes to you and asks for help.

Most import thing: you're doing an amazing job. She probably appreciates it too, even tho she can't tell you.

 

[Hotshot-Tottenham]

That sounds awful, really sorry its how things are.

She is ill, and the obvious thing to say is she needs to get better - but the devil of mental illness is that its very good at protecting itself. Makes it so difficult to help people help themselves.

With my Mrs it came to a head when I said we were done, I was just waiting for the inevitable break up - which was most certainly the course we were on. It seemed to snap her out of it, to a degree, enough to enable her to jump rails onto a more progressive track. She still isnt completely well, and she certainly still presents me challenges, but we are both much better for it.

Not that Im suggesting you threaten to leave her, I suppose rather - is there any way to actually get through to her?

I suspect she doesnt know she is as bad as she is, the nature of these things almost guarantees it. If theres a shot at holding a mirror up to her in a way that she can see, it has to be worth a try. Though how/what that is Im afraid I couldnt say.

It sounds like you had a very similar situation.

Tbh we had the “we can’t carry on like this” conversation a while back after she reacted badly to (yet another) money situation. She accepted then refused to go to couples counseling, then it all just kind of petered out and we settled back into the rut. I then find it very hard to raise things again... until the next blow up. In her worst moments she’d be more than happy for me to go.

You’re right - I don’t think she understands fully the sacrifices and accommodations me and her family have to make to allow her to manage the illness in her way. She accepts she has the voice and will talk quite openly about it at times, but when she’s in the grip of it there’s no way to make her sort reality from her delusions.

Ultimately I guess it will come down to she either accepts she needs help and that I can’t do it for her on my own, or she chooses to carry on as we are, which I can’t do. It’s been years.

 

[thfcsteff]

I feel pretty low.

I posted before about my wife’s illness and dealing with that is taking its toll on me.

She’s still refusing treatment and I feel like the way she’s chosen to manage her illness has effectively sacrificed our relationship.

It’s destroying my confidence and any semblance of self esteem that I had. I feel so weak that I end up paralysed and I can’t do anything about it, such is the dread of trying to deal with it.

It’s spilling into to my work life. I feel like a fraud and that I’m making it up as I go. I’ve screwed a couple of things up recently and I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I’ve let things go that I’ve been unhappy with because of the lack of self worth.

Whatever I’m going through it’s worse for my wife. She’s unable to work and she doesn’t really have any friends. Financially things are tight and I feel bad when I say we can’t do something or have something because she doesn’t have much to look forward to. Then conversely she’ll push and push and I end up overspending. If I’m honest she guilt trips me into it and I’m too weak to refuse, and she can very defensive very quickly which I just can’t deal with.

It was her birthday and I feel like a prick because I was quiet because I was worried about money on gifts and a day out. I did try to say a few days before that we should cut our cloth accordingly but she essentially said that I was being mean. Then I get frustrated (always internally, I never argue with her) that I feel she’s more concerned with having what she wants than understanding that spending whatever amount makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Her spending has got out of control in the past (in large part because of her illness) and I’m hyper-sensitive to that feeling of losing control of the finances.

After everything I still love her and I know her illness is not her fault. I just can’t carry on like this for either of our sakes. We’re in a vicious circle and I’m seeing our lives pass us by.

I tried counselling but it gets expensive and I called the Samaritans a couple of months back which helped in that particular moment. Being blunt, the feeling of self-harm never fully goes away and is quick to rush back whenever my defences are low. I can keep it at bay but I don’t think it’s a normal or rational response.

Weirdly, it does help just typing it all out.

So sorry to read about the pressure mate. I understand and have been there; my wife has got to the other side, but we are now both dealing with our daughter, who is also making her way through but it is a lot of work for all. Now my son has been revealed as having a drinking problem...I understand your stress and lack of relative control over your situation, I really do.

Things which might help in the short-term are making sure not to personalize anything/take it personally. Her wanting to spend/acquire things sounds like classic "filling the problem with material goods" stuff, but I'm sure you gauged that. I would try to maintain some level of counseling, and hey, at the very least, if writing here and getting responses from us helps, please do it and we'll be here. Any exercise/getting out which can help you clear your head/give you physical focus will be very helpful.

Not sure of the ages involved, but I would say that any mental health condition in women can get severely compromised by menopause/pre-menopausal stuff, it is a massive thing and once addressed, the changes are massive. Of course, in and of itself, getting that point across is a tough one and might require friends.

Are there any mutual friends who can help with communication?

As feeble as this is going to sound, I would also suggest trying some form of meditation before you start work each day, as at the very least you can lock in on getting some work satisfaction. It is odd how meditation works, and it works differently in different ways for everyone. But essentially, you are just looking to empty your brain of the clutter for several hours a day which you will claim back for you; it sounds like if you can feel good about your work again, that could be a good springboard to everything else in terms of confidence. Just a thought...

Good luck my friend.

 

[Hotshot-Tottenham]

Lack of control is affecting you.

There are more sympathetic services out there she may feel better with. For example, these people have a totally different approach to voice-hearing (in the context of Schizophrenia) http://www.hearing-voices.org/ Its run by people who hear voices. They accept it. It is part them. And they deal with it by deconstructing and trying to understand them - because they understand the voices comes from them after all!

You do need to assert yourself in a calm clear way. Essentially it's we need to try some interventions or I'm not going to be able to help you. If it's the latter then you can at least put yourself first for a bit until she comes to you and asks for help.

Most import thing: you're doing an amazing job. She probably appreciates it too, even tho she can't tell you.

Thank you.

Yes, I think I’ve come across that organisation but I’ve never approached them. I appreciate you linking them - I’ll take another look.

One issue with her voice is that she’ll often and very audibly verbally respond to it, especially at home. If we’re out, I’ll almost always see her trying to suppress it, and she has some physical ‘tics’, I suppose, that she does (like making a small hand gesture for example), so I know the voice is talking to her.

That kind of response means it’s impossible for her to work or have a normal social life. But it’s the paranoia, delusions and obsessiveness that make it worse.

Yes, you’re right: that’s the conclusion that I’m at - she needs to agree to re-engage with the care / support system or we’ll have to reassess what we do. I can’t go on like this.

Thanks for the post, appreciate it.

 

[thfcsteff]

Thanks man.

She won’t get any help. She says that that’s how things are and that she’s prepared to live with the voice in her head (the symptom of the psychosis). That in itself, whilst not great, isn’t a huge problem necessarily although it is far from normal; it’s the neuroticism, anxiety and paranoia that comes with it that are very limiting for her. She refuses to go back on anti-psychotic meds.

Her previous care team - the mental health crisis team are very good, but the only way they can realistically speak to her is if I call an intervention and effectively request to have her sectioned. Without her consent to see anyone the options are limited. Sectioning is a pretty nuclear option and weirdly - day to day she’s highly functional so she presents very normally so they’re reluctant to do that.

Funnily enough she’s just had an episode where she got upset over some mislaid keys. They were mislaid for no more than 5 minutes inside the house but she accused me of lying about it, deliberately hiding them etc - all the classic delusion / paranoia that comes with her illness.

When she’s like that it makes feel like a little boy, completely beaten down. All I can do is remain calm and try to remove myself from the argument. I tried to explain that I hadn’t done anything deliberately but at that moment - when the illness is front and centre - there’s no taking to her.

My father suffers from schizophrenia that presented itself greatly as he got older, and was also functioning, so again, I empathize to a degree whilst understanding that all situations are different.

Very, very important that you first of all focus on yourself here so as you can then be of maximum help to the situation. The key story is a fine examples you said it made you feel beaten down. You're doing EXACTLY the right thing and it is imperative IMO the if you can, you try to remember it is not personal. You are the person in the firing line, but you are a mirror to the war going on in her own head. Anything you can do to take yourself out of the moment and look at it as though viewing a play. You're right, no getting through, so just ride it out/let it go/pick your battles.

Can she talk about the voices with you in lucid moments? Do you think there's anything to be gained from asking her about them, what they suggest, what they tell her? is she willing/able to discuss.

A tough situation, again, very good luck.

 

[thfcsteff]

Lack of control is affecting you.

There are more sympathetic services out there she may feel better with. For example, these people have a totally different approach to voice-hearing (in the context of Schizophrenia) http://www.hearing-voices.org/ Its run by people who hear voices. They accept it. It is part them. And they deal with it by deconstructing and trying to understand them - because they understand the voices comes from them after all!

You do need to assert yourself in a calm clear way. Essentially it's we need to try some interventions or I'm not going to be able to help you. If it's the latter then you can at least put yourself first for a bit until she comes to you and asks for help.

Most import thing: you're doing an amazing job. She probably appreciates it too, even tho she can't tell you.

What an EXCELLENT point!

Half of her anger will be at herself, compounded with feelings of shame and not feeling worthy I'd guess. Great point mate...

 

[thfcsteff]

Thank you.

Yes, I think I’ve come across that organisation but I’ve never approached them. I appreciate you linking them - I’ll take another look.

One issue with her voice is that she’ll often and very audibly verbally respond to it, especially at home. If we’re out, I’ll almost always see her trying to suppress it, and she has some physical ‘tics’, I suppose, that she does (like making a small hand gesture for example), so I know the voice is talking to her.

That kind of response means it’s impossible for her to work or have a normal social life. But it’s the paranoia, delusions and obsessiveness that make it worse.

Yes, you’re right: that’s the conclusion that I’m at - she needs to agree to re-engage with the care / support system or we’ll have to reassess what we do. I can’t go on like this.

Thanks for the post, appreciate it.

Towards the end of his life, this was my Dad. Quiet responses out in public, laughing with them, telling them to leave him alone for a bit as we were having dinner. It prevented him from getting dental work done, and (in the end) cost him his life as he refused heart surgery when he needed it and subsequently died of a heart attack. He was convinced "they" would put implants in him for at least a decade.

Again, good luck and keep writing.

 

[SpurMeUp]

Thank you.

Yes, I think I’ve come across that organisation but I’ve never approached them. I appreciate you linking them - I’ll take another look.

One issue with her voice is that she’ll often and very audibly verbally respond to it, especially at home. If we’re out, I’ll almost always see her trying to suppress it, and she has some physical ‘tics’, I suppose, that she does (like making a small hand gesture for example), so I know the voice is talking to her.

That kind of response means it’s impossible for her to work or have a normal social life. But it’s the paranoia, delusions and obsessiveness that make it worse.

Yes, you’re right: that’s the conclusion that I’m at - she needs to agree to re-engage with the care / support system or we’ll have to reassess what we do. I can’t go on like this.

Thanks for the post, appreciate it.

The free resources are interesting. Written by people who hear voices but are comfortable with it. From the perspective of someone who doesn't hear voices this kind of thing gives you an insight into what it might be like http://www.hearing-voices.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Hearing_Voices_Coping_Strategies_web.pdf

Posted this previously but its so impressive I have to post it again

This lady ^ is highly successful now. Had the pleasure of connecting with someone else from the network who is a voice hearer. She was completely together, erudite, intelligent, working in a senior position now. She hears voices. She is cool with it. Recovery is completely possible.

Is stigma a big barrier? For your misses and for you too? The medical model saw schizophrenia as something to be treated and medicated. When these people have had much more success with understanding and compassion than medication, and also discovering/building a confidence in themselves. That is not to say meds can't help. They can. But longer-term, this voice hearing acceptance and understanding seems like a more humane approach that works.

In this day and age, I think telling people socially you're a voice hearer is probably the way to go. Embrace it. So long as the individual is comfortable in themselves. People are fascinated. Many big budget films about mental health in the last 5 years...and more and more social understanding. But it is still a fascinating mystery to most people, so talking about it kills two birds.

What an EXCELLENT point!

Half of her anger will be at herself, compounded with feelings of shame and not feeling worthy I'd guess. Great point mate...

Totally! And as a completely trusted partner, you're an extension of themself. So personal frustration, stigma etc is shared. Got to find comfortable ways to talk about it.

RD Lang, a drunk and a total maverick but he is still cited in textbooks today, said Schizophrenia was 'a sane reaction to an insane world'.

 

[Hotshot-Tottenham]

My father suffers from schizophrenia that presented itself greatly as he got older, and was also functioning, so again, I empathize to a degree whilst understanding that all situations are different.

Very, very important that you first of all focus on yourself here so as you can then be of maximum help to the situation. The key story is a fine examples you said it made you feel beaten down. You're doing EXACTLY the right thing and it is imperative IMO the if you can, you try to remember it is not personal. You are the person in the firing line, but you are a mirror to the war going on in her own head. Anything you can do to take yourself out of the moment and look at it as though viewing a play. You're right, no getting through, so just ride it out/let it go/pick your battles.

Can she talk about the voices with you in lucid moments? Do you think there's anything to be gained from asking her about them, what they suggest, what they tell her? is she willing/able to discuss.

A tough situation, again, very good luck.

My father suffers from schizophrenia that presented itself greatly as he got older, and was also functioning, so again, I empathize to a degree whilst understanding that all situations are different.

Very, very important that you first of all focus on yourself here so as you can then be of maximum help to the situation. The key story is a fine examples you said it made you feel beaten down. You're doing EXACTLY the right thing and it is imperative IMO the if you can, you try to remember it is not personal. You are the person in the firing line, but you are a mirror to the war going on in her own head. Anything you can do to take yourself out of the moment and look at it as though viewing a play. You're right, no getting through, so just ride it out/let it go/pick your battles.

Can she talk about the voices with you in lucid moments? Do you think there's anything to be gained from asking her about them, what they suggest, what they tell her? is she willing/able to discuss.

A tough situation, again, very good luck.

Weirdly it kind of came to a head tonight. There was a discussion which turned into a continuation of an argument / misunderstanding and I said that we clearly can’t communicate and that we should try counseling which she didn’t want to do.

We talked about her voice and she thinks she has it because she trying to find out a ‘betrayal’ - something that someone has done that links me, her old job, her family etc but she doesn’t know what.

I said that I don’t think she’s well but she insists that because the doctors signed her off then she’s fine, and she took my saying that to be offensive and deliberately hurtful: that I was trying to undermine her by saying she’s mad and it’s all part of what I do to keep her down. I just want her to get help.

We talked about separating and practicalities about what we’d do about the house. Then we kept talking (calmly, honestly and respectfully which was a bit surreal but positive) and almost seemed to come full circle saying that we still loved each other and that there were some positives but that we had to accept it wasn’t working.

I think the lack of communication has been a killer, and the frustration and resentment that’s built up on both sides is palpable. There’s clearly still love there but I don’t know if too much has happened.

I’m exhausted. Thanks everyone for the other replies. I’ll revisit those in the coming days. It does help to talk on here so thank you.

 

[nayimfromthehalfwayline]

I wasnt posting at all last night, and now find my alerts box has blown up with all the Poch/Jose drama, but none of that is important.

Your comment stuck out a mile among all the others and so its the first Ive come to, and Im sure there are many others here feeling exactly the same.

I am delighted you were able to speak constructively yesterday, and while Im sure it didnt resolve much(?) it is a very positive step in the right direction.

Clearly she needs help and care, beyond what you can offer, so Id personally be looking into any means of getting that to her (possibly with/without her agreement). It sounds that serious. Even so, every small breakthough is a triumph and a step in the right direction.

But - as Steff said - it is also absolutely vital you do not neglect your own needs. You really need to look after yourself, however that looks to you.

If venting on here does the trick, know there will always be someone around willing to listen.

 

[Barnetspur]

I am on a few other sites (mainly Music related) that really get behind Mental Health and are so supportive - I must say I am so impressed with the comments in this thread, having been at the start of Random many many years ago, this topic wouldn't have been so openly discussed. But we live in different times, and I know I've dealt with my mental health by being totally open about it, and asking for help. That wouldn't have been possible a few years back - if you are going through issues that you feel are depression or anxiety, talk to someone, on here or a friend. It makes such a difference, yes its scary, but it takes so much weight off you that you can start to deal with what you are going through.
I am always happy to talk to anyone about this, I know how lonely and exhausted you can feel, especially if the voices are being persistent

 

[El Guepardo]

I am on a few other sites (mainly Music related) that really get behind Mental Health and are so supportive - I must say I am so impressed with the comments in this thread, having been at the start of Random many many years ago, this topic wouldn't have been so openly discussed. But we live in different times, and I know I've dealt with my mental health by being totally open about it, and asking for help. That wouldn't have been possible a few years back - if you are going through issues that you feel are depression or anxiety, talk to someone, on here or a friend. It makes such a difference, yes its scary, but it takes so much weight off you that you can start to deal with what you are going through.
I am always happy to talk to anyone about this, I know how lonely and exhausted you can feel, especially if the voices are being persistent

I haven’t seen you around in a long time. I hope that everything is ok with you.

You are right that fifteen years ago, the forum was a different place, with different mentalities. I’m happy that the forum has evolved in to a supportive network for people who can come together and help each other. Back fifteen years ago anyone that stood out from the crowd could have been pilloried, there has been a change both in public perception and within the ‘walls’ of this forum to recognise mental health conditions and to ensure that people are not pushed apart. I think we should all realise what a great step that it’s been that we’ve all taken.

My thoughts are with you Hotshot as you continue to learn how to best support your wife. When you talk of betrayal, is this to suggest a jinx or curse? That question may be totally irrelevant only I have had discussions with a loved one and a friend on the subject of betrayal, and black magic, and the words struck a chord in that direction. As I said it’s likely nothing, and perhaps it’s just your wife looking to find answers to the difficulties that she is facing as she does not understand why she should be experiencing what she is.
I appreciate that you are doing all that you to get through this with your wife. I can understand that it may feel as if you are being pushed apart, but I am pleased that you are doing all that you can with her. It might be as well to give her time and just let her breathe and come to terms more with what is happening. At times she will feel that the battle is very self suffering but if you give her space but always there for support hopefully it can find you both moving in the same direction forward whilst you are not putting too much pressure on her in terms of her thinking processes. Much love to you both and I hope that you may both find a way through this.