Thank you all for the support, I headed to the gym to try to get myself sorted. The gym has been a saviour at times like this, that and running. I need a positive focus, and something to aim for. Last year, I had three weeks off work sick and the only consolation is that I'm not as bad as I was during that time. I could barely talk to anyone properly during that time, I was consumed by my inner demons, and fighting a fight which people very close to me conceded that they thought that I would lose, with fears of both suicide and of me ending up needing psychiatric help. I try to move on, each day, and there are good spells but I'm not the same person as I was, and my zest for life is diminished. I am more within my shell, and I know that I isolate myself more than is good for me. Last year, during one of the spells, I ended up attending the local police station as concerns over my well being had been raised by family. Really, I keep trying to move on but thoughts of suicide, and wanting to disappear are never far away. I know that I have to keep moving forward and that when I get spells like earlier, sit through them, knowing that I can come out of the other end... but... it's not a great thought to know that the time will come when I go through this again, and again. I promise that I won't take my own life, I will keep going, and I apologise for the strength of my comments but they were reflective of my mental mind set at the time, and during other times. I know that I'm not well, I just have to deal with life as best as I can. Again, thank you all, it means a lot to me that you have taken the time to reply, and to know that others out there, those that don't know me personally, care to respond and to provide advice, guidance and support.
