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Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

Hotshot-Tottenham said:
Thank you.

Short of telling them myself, the only leverage I’ve got is that I’m gently refusing to see them until she’s told them as I don’t want to deceive them, and it’s hard for me ‘act normal’. Covid is also a concern of course.

She said she had spoken to her mum in the past that if this ever happened apparently her mum said they’d buy me out.

How true that is I don’t know and whether they could afford the considerable lump sum (good equity) and fund the monthly outgoings I don’t know.

If not, the plan b could only be to sell and my wife would have to move back home. Sadly she’s just not capable of working.

For her to stay here the court would have to award her something mad like around 75% of my net salary in spousal support to run the house which is clearly not possible. I hope.
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I take it you'd be splitting the equity 50/50 if you had to sell. With a bit of help from her parents as well could she not afford a flat mortgage free?

And as her parents were going to buy you out, it makes no difference where you get your share from?
 
ricky2tricky4city said:
I take it you'd be splitting the equity 50/50 if you had to sell. With a bit of help from her parents as well could she not afford a flat mortgage free?

And as her parents were going to buy you out, it makes no difference where you get your share from?
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Yes, I’d want to go for 50-50 on the equity.

She doesn’t work because of her mental health issues, so she has no income at all so her parents would have to fully fund her in any option.

She’s particularly keen to stay in this house which I understand and am happy for her to do, but just don’t think she’s grasped the reality of the financials. And I don’t think it’s realistic in terms of the level of spousal support for me to continue to pay for everything - how would I be supposed to live?

Her parents are comfortable but I wouldn’t say they’re rich. Also her dad is elderly and quite frail now so I get why she hasn’t wanted to worry him but it’s only going to get worse the longer she leaves it.

Apparently there’s a birthday meal in a couple of weeks for her brother in the offing, so I’ll decline that and see if she’ll explain to her parents why.
 
Hotshot-Tottenham said:
Yes, I’d want to go for 50-50 on the equity.

She doesn’t work because of her mental health issues, so she has no income at all so her parents would have to fully fund her in any option.

She’s particularly keen to stay in this house which I understand and am happy for her to do, but just don’t think she’s grasped the reality of the financials. And I don’t think it’s realistic in terms of the level of spousal support for me to continue to pay for everything - how would I be supposed to live?

Her parents are comfortable but I wouldn’t say they’re rich. Also her dad is elderly and quite frail now so I get why she hasn’t wanted to worry him but it’s only going to get worse the longer she leaves it.

Apparently there’s a birthday meal in a couple of weeks for her brother in the offing, so I’ll decline that and see if she’ll explain to her parents why.
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Well one way is you being considerate and giving her the option/opportunity to remain in the house, so she has to realise that is an opportunity and make the facilitators aware or otherwise you have to press on with the option you can fully control (with you consciously or unconsciously making her aware this is happening, the clock is running) and initiate a sale.

Edit: not sure why I'm writing this, you're probably thought this thru 1000 times:)
 
ricky2tricky4city said:
Well one way is you being considerate and giving her the option/opportunity to remain in the house, so she has to realise that is an opportunity and make the facilitators aware or otherwise you have to press on with the option you can fully control (with you consciously or unconsciously making her aware this is happening, the clock is running) and initiate a sale.

Edit: not sure why I'm writing this, you're probably thought this thru 1000 times:)
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No it’s good... it helps to talk things through!

Yes, if we have to sell (especially), then I want it on the market soon as with Covid and brexit that’s one hell of an unstable market. Although a fair few houses sold quickly around here in the last few weeks so there’s demand currently.
 
Really hope everyone is doing ok at the moment.

Does make me wonder what the long term effect on society this period is going to have on us.

My own mental health is in a pretty good place at the moment,think it is linked to my physical health which after the maddest year, stem cell treatment and covid, is pretty good.

My Son though I can see is almost getting itchy feet because he cant do some of the things he wants. The toll really will be taken by the youth. I just hope he gets the chance to go inter railing and a proper university experience in a couple of years time.
 
The sister of one of my colleagues who was widowed two years a go has just given my colleague a letter with her funeral arrangements in it.
Said that if she is furloughed again she will kill herself.
Works in a shop and only really does it for the company, she can't face the loneliness again.
What is happening in the world.
 
glasgowspur said:
The sister of one of my colleagues who was widowed two years a go has just given my colleague a letter with her funeral arrangements in it.
Said that if she is furloughed again she will kill herself.
Works in a shop and only really does it for the company, she can't face the loneliness again.
What is happening in the world.
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I had a friend commit suicide not long ago and I tell you it haunts you
 
glasgowspur said:
The sister of one of my colleagues who was widowed two years a go has just given my colleague a letter with her funeral arrangements in it.
Said that if she is furloughed again she will kill herself.
Works in a shop and only really does it for the company, she can't face the loneliness again.
What is happening in the world.
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With out wanting to sound cruel she needs to get hobbies and join clubs. Even if the clubs arent running she will have made friends and have a support network.

The wife like me is catholic. Now obviously neither of us actually believe because were not stupid but rather hedging our bets. I dont go to church but Lucy does as do her family and I think at times like this it comes into it's own.

Our local church has been doing so much in lockdown for people. The services are online but for the old people who dont have internet people have been making visits.

In many ways I'm quite anti religion. It is all flimflam, but religious people are good at looking out for each other.
 
SteveAWOL said:
https://twitter.com/x/status/1316307858028462080
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All of those are sensible suggestions but what are you meant to do if your in a tier 2 place where you can't see anyone outside your own house and are advised to avoid all travel etc.

I have mild epilepsy and get sleep related seizures caused by stress, luckily not had one for a while now but am on meds likely for life to control it as if you have too many in a specific time period you can't drive etc so it's safer to just keep taking them but I've definitely felt more stressed this year than previously. Can't imagine the long term effects on this which we'll never fully grasp - many things may not come to light for years.
 
I wonder what my grandmother would make of some of the people complaining about lock down. She was in lock down too, only a lot of the time she was under the ground in bomb shelters with bombs being dropped on her. Social distancing yeah, my dad and his sister were evacuated from London to Cornwall and he didn't see her for ages. He was two. He didn't see his dad (my grandfather) until he was five. My grandfather was a professional soldier in the army.
 
Gilzeantoscore said:
I wonder what my grandmother would make of some of the people complaining about lock down. She was in lock down too, only a lot of the time she was under the ground in bomb shelters with bombs being dropped on her. Social distancing yeah, my dad and his sister were evacuated from London to Cornwall and he didn't see her for ages. He was two. He didn't see his dad (my grandfather) until he was five. My grandfather was a professional soldier in the army.
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Precisely! Good for you mate. I'm sitting cozy at home, surrounded by my family, drinking lovely lager and eating rich foods, fiddling about on the internet, oh the mental HORROR!!!
 
Gilzeantoscore said:
I wonder what my grandmother would make of some of the people complaining about lock down. She was in lock down too, only a lot of the time she was under the ground in bomb shelters with bombs being dropped on her. Social distancing yeah, my dad and his sister were evacuated from London to Cornwall and he didn't see her for ages. He was two. He didn't see his dad (my grandfather) until he was five. My grandfather was a professional soldier in the army.
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But mental health does not work like that. People adapt to surroundings to a point that major blows now are different to the war. Someone losing their job and home will feel the blow and level of responsibility deep because that's what the know, its a huge part of their reliance, comparisons to the war and how lucky they are not to have lived in that time? Its not people its their minds the way they are wired. Mental illness is every bit as important than your health.

Do you think you could talk someone who wanted to and subsequently went through to kill themselves because their wife left them out of it with comparisons to those that have historically had it worse?

Not specifically digging you out but I read these comparisons all the time and I think people also make the claims not actually understanding the deteriorated mental health following WW2 which was significant. Mainly because PTSD didn't get recognised until the 80s but many didn't join the dots of ex service people slitting their wrists in the bath years after the war to anything, was also a time people talked less of their mental state

You can add that if you came out and talked about your mental health in the 40s and 50s you were likely labelled a lunatic and sent to an asylum or given some primitive treatments. There was huge stigma attached, there still is, the distance between physical and mental health understanding and treatment is huge, but back there in was massive.
 
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Grays, I get what you mean, but let's get some global perspective here as well. Some people fall to pieces and are suicidal because they lose their job. Others because they lose someone close to them. Others because of something way more trivial or way more serious e.g. living in a war zone and your whole country being bombed to pieces. So there are levels. Some people are freaking out for comparatively trivial reasons.
 
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