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Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

@thfcsteff
Cheers mate!
That is how I used to think before depression came calling.
Moving back to the UK from CA Really knocked my sense of belonging and meaning and then my marriage falling apart has left me feeling with no place or situation in which I feel "home" or "at peace".
And the fear of waking up feeling suicidal again. I don't mind dying, but I want to live first.

I'm going to try some herbal sleep remidies as I know poor sleep really brings me down and stops my rational side - I just have not slept well more than two or three days in six months.
 
monkeybarry said:
@thfcsteff
Cheers mate!
That is how I used to think before depression came calling.
Moving back to the UK from CA Really knocked my sense of belonging and meaning and then my marriage falling apart has left me feeling with no place or situation in which I feel "home" or "at peace".
And the fear of waking up feeling suicidal again. I don't mind dying, but I want to live first.

I'm going to try some herbal sleep remidies as I know poor sleep really brings me down and stops my rational side - I just have not slept well more than two or three days in six months.
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Sorry to hear the fear.
That is a big one for sure.
I hope you're consulting with someone because it feels to me from reading what your post that you're halfway to sorting it all out but need a guiding professional hand. In fact, the phrase 'I don't mind dying but I want to live first' says to me that you know what you want to do, you can see the light, but you're finding the walk to that light stodgy.
One thing with finding peace...yes, geography and location are big BUT the BIGGEST is inside you. That you can discuss things openly in this forum again suggests to me you are well on the way to achieving this too.

Cheers!
 
thfcsteff said:
I understand the 'not sharing' but in my own family I have seen the enormous difference when one decides to finally share that baggage. It literally lightened this person's psychic load to the point she was physically less impacted by her anxiety. Read through the thread and saw your further thoughts and comments.

Again, I have experience dealing with this within my own tribe...besides the anxiety and depression (both major of course) sounds to me like you have to start liking yourself a bit more and giving yourself permission to
be liked
make the off mistake
not be perfect
try your best as best can be
Sounds easy but I have seen how hard it is. This is different to being a narcissist, it is simply about allowing yourself to be treated as a normal human being. Not sure what happened to put you in the 'guilt space' but whatever it is, talk about it with someone (I'm sure you are) and have them help you realize it is not yours to carry endlessly through time.
It reads to me like you're not doing yourself justice in the relationship to allow the relationship to be one where everyone is happy. Your good lady can only walk through the door if you open it, and you will only do the relationship justice if you give yourself a break, embrace your flaws and realize that despite all that you must be a pretty great bloke because hey, she ain't there for the food, she's there because she likes you!!!!!! Let that settle in. Give yourself permission to acknowledge it mate.

One other thing before I go...it is NEVER the 'problem' or 'mistake' or perceived 'fudge-u'...it's how you respond to it/them. Because mate, we ALL run into them. It's being human. And it's also being human to not only accept the responsibility and learn, but to recognize that it is OK to walk that path, you're still a good bloke, that many many people do and that it is a part of all our lives.

Good luck and COYS
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Thank you Steff! Reading through this really helped me, and everything you have said makes total sense. Plus I have been speaking to a therapist who has echoed many of your sentiments. I'm meeting a new sponsor this evening, he gave me homework over the weekend and opened my eyes to so much of what the fellowship (and that is exactly what it is, a FELLOWSHIP) of AA can offer. The only reason I didn't know this previously was because I didn't open myself up to those that have been and are going through the same journey as me in recovery, and because I didn't SHARE.

I am starting a 90-in-90 today (90 meetings in 90 days) and my sponsor is going to take me through the Steps. I'm actually really looking forward to it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just hadn't previously put the work in to break through a wall to see it.

Sending thoughts and positivity to all that are struggling here.
 
AuroRaman said:
Thank you Steff! Reading through this really helped me, and everything you have said makes total sense. Plus I have been speaking to a therapist who has echoed many of your sentiments. I'm meeting a new sponsor this evening, he gave me homework over the weekend and opened my eyes to so much of what the fellowship (and that is exactly what it is, a FELLOWSHIP) of AA can offer. The only reason I didn't know this previously was because I didn't open myself up to those that have been and are going through the same journey as me in recovery, and because I didn't SHARE.

I am starting a 90-in-90 today (90 meetings in 90 days) and my sponsor is going to take me through the Steps. I'm actually really looking forward to it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just hadn't previously put the work in to break through a wall to see it.

Sending thoughts and positivity to all that are struggling here.
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Brilliant stuff mate...I think what is interesting is how we all spend more of our lives than we should concerned with what people think of us, whilst ignoring what we think of ourselves. It took me until my mid-20s to figure that out, and then another 15 years to really get to grips wit the concept that what others think of me is not as important as ls what I think of me. I don't mean that in some psycho-narcissistic way, I mean it as the final clearing house of honesty. Will I hold myself to a standard? Will I accept I am not perfect?

Anyway, good luck mate!
 
AuroRaman said:
Thank you Steff! Reading through this really helped me, and everything you have said makes total sense. Plus I have been speaking to a therapist who has echoed many of your sentiments. I'm meeting a new sponsor this evening, he gave me homework over the weekend and opened my eyes to so much of what the fellowship (and that is exactly what it is, a FELLOWSHIP) of AA can offer. The only reason I didn't know this previously was because I didn't open myself up to those that have been and are going through the same journey as me in recovery, and because I didn't SHARE.

I am starting a 90-in-90 today (90 meetings in 90 days) and my sponsor is going to take me through the Steps. I'm actually really looking forward to it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just hadn't previously put the work in to break through a wall to see it.

Sending thoughts and positivity to all that are struggling here.
Click to expand...

Brilliant stuff mate...I think what is interesting is how we all spend more of our lives than we should concerned with what people think of us, whilst ignoring what we think of ourselves. It took me until my mid-20s to figure that out, and then another 15 years to really get to grips wit the concept that what others think of me is not as important as ls what I think of me. I don't mean that in some psycho-narcissistic way, I mean it as the final clearing house of honesty. Will I hold myself to a standard? Will I accept I am not perfect?

Anyway, good luck mate!
 
thfcsteff said:
Brilliant stuff mate...I think what is interesting is how we all spend more of our lives than we should concerned with what people think of us, whilst ignoring what we think of ourselves. It took me until my mid-20s to figure that out, and then another 15 years to really get to grips wit the concept that what others think of me is not as important as ls what I think of me. I don't mean that in some psycho-narcissistic way, I mean it as the final clearing house of honesty. Will I hold myself to a standard? Will I accept I am not perfect?

Anyway, good luck mate!
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This is everything that's frustrating right now.
I discovered and practiced that from about 24/25 (35 now), I just felt so comfortable with who I was with a good balance of introspection, but generally just very comfortable and pragmatic about everything. Happy with the things I could not effect, appreciative of the things I could.

I really miss that feeling.
 
monkeybarry said:
This is everything that's frustrating right now.
I discovered and practiced that from about 24/25 (35 now), I just felt so comfortable with who I was with a good balance of introspection, but generally just very comfortable and pragmatic about everything. Happy with the things I could not effect, appreciative of the things I could.

I really miss that feeling.
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Maybe give yourself a break and know that it will come back if you've known it before and liked it before...
 
As stupid as it may sound, whenever I'm in a bad period, I read this, and it reminds me of something I tend to forget when I'm depressed. It always helps for me, so posting it here.

https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/10/religion-for-the-nonreligious.html

I especially like the simple idea of just being aware of your inner animals, the fog, controlling more of you than you want, takes you to level two of consciousness, as he calls it. Grasping and embracing the truth in that is very liberating to me somehow. :)
 
Danishfurniturelover said:
Tottenham is my religion, since i got sick last year i have been up and down but it has made me realise i have been lucky in my life compared to others.
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You could have been a West Ham fan? [emoji23]

Currently sitting in a hospital with my soon to depart Dad. His dad gave Spurs to him and me and GHod willing it will pass to my kids.

Since a heart attack and other issues he was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Dementia caused by not enough blood taking oxygen to his brain. He only has old memories and he may not last the weekend truth be told.

One of the beautiful things about Spurs is it carries so much with it. You’re family history and even it’s future.


Sitting on my porcelain throne using glory-glory.co.uk mobile app
 
SpurMeUp said:
You could have been a West Ham fan? [emoji23]

Currently sitting in a hospital with my soon to depart Dad. His dad gave Spurs to him and me and GHod willing it will pass to my kids.

Since a heart attack and other issues he was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Dementia caused by not enough blood taking oxygen to his brain. He only has old memories and he may not last the weekend truth be told.

One of the beautiful things about Spurs is it carries so much with it. You’re family history and even it’s future.


Sitting on my porcelain throne using glory-glory.co.uk mobile app
Click to expand...

Sorry to read this mate, good luck, good wishes and much strength for the days ahead...
 
SpurMeUp said:
You could have been a West Ham fan? [emoji23]

Currently sitting in a hospital with my soon to depart Dad. His dad gave Spurs to him and me and GHod willing it will pass to my kids.

Since a heart attack and other issues he was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Dementia caused by not enough blood taking oxygen to his brain. He only has old memories and he may not last the weekend truth be told.

One of the beautiful things about Spurs is it carries so much with it. You’re family history and even it’s future.


Sitting on my porcelain throne using glory-glory.co.uk mobile app
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear this mate, the old memories your dad still has, he will cherish up to his last breath. And likewise, you have a lifetime of happy memories, Spurs or otherwise, that you will never lose even after he passes.

Stay strong.


Sitting on my porcelain throne using Fapatalk
 
Have been reading today that more suicides happen in the spring and summer with June the most in the Northern Hemispheres I would have thought they peaked in the winter months, goes to show what I know.
 
SpurMeUp said:
You could have been a West Ham fan? [emoji23]

Currently sitting in a hospital with my soon to depart Dad. His dad gave Spurs to him and me and GHod willing it will pass to my kids.

Since a heart attack and other issues he was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Dementia caused by not enough blood taking oxygen to his brain. He only has old memories and he may not last the weekend truth be told.

One of the beautiful things about Spurs is it carries so much with it. You’re family history and even it’s future.


Sitting on my porcelain throne using glory-glory.co.uk mobile app
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to read that. Thoughts with you mate.
 
Thank you fellas it means a lot. Will miss my Dad. All different types of ‘family’ out there from the Spurs family to people who I haven’t seen for 20 years.

Anyone suffering, reach out to people - on here or around you - there is support and compassion.


Sitting on my porcelain throne using glory-glory.co.uk mobile app
 
I've been thinking about giving up the drink. I have had a couple of office Christmas parties recently and made a complete dingdong of myself by being slimey over the women and then doing some of the naughty stuff. The hangovers have been horrendous and more than often I am not a nice person on alcohol and I have been causing arguments, especially with my family. We had a christmas break up in Lincoln at the weekend and it was awesome but I did cause a few arguments, all whilst I was drunk. All is well and the arguments have been sorted but alcohol is evil and my wife hates me when I drink. I have also been thinking about death and bad things on a hangover (which is fuelled by other stuff too) and I dont like the thoughts I have.

Has anyone tried giving it up successfully, or tried in the past and failed? I wont be going out over Christmas at all so might start before the new year resolutions kick in and see if I can become T-Total and live a much healthier life for me and my family.

GGG
 
Not deliberately, but I barely drink at all any more.

I set about losing weight a few years ago, ended up losing 2 stone. I was counting calories, and the upshot was if I just stuck to three meals a day I was good. It was snacking and drinking that took me into a calorie surplus/weight gain.

So my "diet" worked out as not eating crap and cutting the drink. It wasnt a conscious decision, rather the result of the process.

I lost the weight, set about levelling out my diet. Allowing treats etc, and found I had absolutely no tolerance for drink at all. Embarrassingly so.

So now, anything more than a few and Im done. Which Im actually ok with, I get to enjoy the odd beer but I dont go silly, get drunk or any of that.

Ive ended up the designated driver on plenty of occasions, driven to the next town to watch the footy with mates and stayed on the soft drinks and all that. Sounds awful for a drinker, but honestly its surprisingly ok. I genuinely dont mind.

In fact Im often rather glad I didnt drink when Im driving home afterwards instead of dealing with public transport!

Have you ever smoked? Its a bit like giving that up. It is integral to your life, habitual, and its hard to imagine functioning without it - and yet once you get over the initial transition of quitting its actually completely fine...
 
nayimfromthehalfwayline said:
Not deliberately, but I barely drink at all any more.

I set about losing weight a few years ago, ended up losing 2 stone. I was counting calories, and the upshot was if I just stuck to three meals a day I was good. It was snacking and drinking that took me into a calorie surplus/weight gain.

So my "diet" worked out as not eating crap and cutting the drink. It wasnt a conscious decision, rather the result of the process.

I lost the weight, set about levelling out my diet. Allowing treats etc, and found I had absolutely no tolerance for drink at all. Embarrassingly so.

So now, anything more than a few and Im done. Which Im actually ok with, I get to enjoy the odd beer but I dont go silly, get drunk or any of that.

Ive ended up the designated driver on plenty of occasions, driven to the next town to watch the footy with mates and stayed on the soft drinks and all that. Sounds awful for a drinker, but honestly its surprisingly ok. I genuinely dont mind.

In fact Im often rather glad I didnt drink when Im driving home afterwards instead of dealing with public transport!

Have you ever smoked? Its a bit like giving that up. It is integral to your life, habitual, and its hard to imagine functioning without it - and yet once you get over the initial transition of quitting its actually completely fine...
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Cheers for that. I am getting a bit "tubbier" shall I say, so the not drinking part would help with that. I dont drink as much as I did now that we have a baby but when I do, I get completely smashed and have blackouts and people have to remind me what I have done which isnt good at all.

I have smoked but I am quite fortunate that I have never got addicted to it so I can go months without smoking. I will have the odd one if I drink sometimes but its rare. I did 3 weeks without an alcoholic drink a few months ago and it was quite refreshing so I shall see if I miss it. Sunday morning 2am ish is the last time I had a drink so remind me every now and again how I am doing and I will tell you the truth!
 
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