AVB's master-plan:
Crystal Palace (A) - We huffed and puffed and fluked a win against the league's s***est club with a dodgy penalty that being kindest would be considered 50/50
Swansea (H) - Again, we huffed and puffed and at least the penalty was actually merited in this game. Did we actually create a chance apart from this? I'm not sure, but I seem to remember Paulinho blazing over so that might be 1!
Arsenal (A) - Back down to earth, we didn't look like scoring after conceding and so it's 270 minutes without a goal from open play!
Norwich (H)) - blimey, we scored! Twice! Don't get carried away with our best performance so far this season, though, as this lot got spannered 7-0 later on in the season!
Cardiff (A) - Another 90 goalless minutes…good job we had injury time to grab the winner! That Lamela chap set it up, wonder why he never plays?
Chelsea (H) - For 45 minutes we looked good, but for 45 minutes we also got our asses handed to us. Mourinho almost pulled it out the bag and AVB looked clueless as to how to change it. Good job that cheeky boy Torres wanted to get to the showers first to stop Ashley from stealing his body-wash!
West Ham (H) - Wow, 3 whole goals! Only, they weren't scored by Spurs. West Ham played without a striker. They didn't have any fit ones, it didn't matter, as we were so bad. Humiliated at home by a team as poor as them….words fail us!
Aston Villa (A) - Another boring game, we don't look like scoring until Andros decides to whip in a cross for a change rather than shooting….oh, he mis-hit his cross like he does all his shots and it went in! That was lucky!
Hull (H) - See Crystal Palace, we fluke a win against a very undeserving Hull side, who created the better chances in the match. Sucker punched by another 50/50 handball call, we again never look like scoring.
Everton (A) - neither side create anything and the Premiership's dullest ever game fizzles out into a drab draw
Saudi Sportswashing Machine (H) - Football is a Krul game, but to be honest, for all we might have been unlucky, overall you could hardly say this defeat wasn't coming.