markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
My farts are absolutely deadly tonight again
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The poo & guff thread...
- Thread starter GlennGoddle
- Start date
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
Our whole flat stinks of eggs today
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
I just popped in the train toilet to fart and didnt stay in there long enough and brought a filthy eggmundo back to my seat with me, sorry fellow commuters
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
Such bad egg farts again today, horrendous smells everywhere
Rock Strongo
dodgy Dave Goosegog
I think you need to reconsider your diet there, farty...
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
Had 2 weeks of meats, cheese, red wine so not surprised
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
Somebody farted at a cashpoint in front of me earlier, I actually found it quite nice haha
I'm turning into a fart pervert
I'm turning into a fart pervert
Kandi1977
Garth Crooks
Turning into?????
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
Had Turkish food for lunch, my word !!!!
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
A man suspected of hiding drugs inside his body is refusing to do a poo for Essex Police.
His self-imposed toilet strike has now passed 20 days and officers are getting fed up with the lack of movement in the case.
They say he's under constant watch and undergoing daily medical tests.
Newsbeat's been finding out what holding on for so long does to your insides and, perhaps surprisingly, it turns out it might not be that bad
"There's only so long you can hang on," says Trish Macnair, from the Primary Care Society for Gastroenterology.
She points out the gut moves by itself - so willpower won't be enough to keep things in forever. You can't control it.
"Ultimately, things will move through the bowel and it'll empty itself. Most people have been there," says Trish.
The longer you avoid going to the toilet, the more uncomfortable it's going to get.
And detectives are clearly prepared to play the waiting game
"The suspect will feel his bowel moving, trying to empty. He'll be holding his sphincter tight," adds Trish.
Officers say the man has also been refusing to eat, which presumably makes it easier to resist the call of nature.
But, even that won't work.
"Even if you're not eating, the bowel will still move. That's because only about a third of what you find in faeces is food debris," explains Trish.
"A lot of it is dead, friendly bacteria and the lining of the bowel which is constantly shedding, like skin. Plus, lots of fluid."
But apart from the obvious discomfort, can you do serious harm to yourself?
In cases like this, it's unlikely.
"This is an acute situation, not chronic," says Trish.
"You won't get a devastating build up of toxins that can poison the body in such a short space of time.
"You're just going to get a lot of uncomfortable stretching of intestinal tubes.
Trish says there is a small risk of the bowel swelling and bursting - but in a young, healthy person, you'd expect the bowel to empty itself before that happened.
As Trish says: "I'm amazed he's held on for so long. It's only a matter of time."
His self-imposed toilet strike has now passed 20 days and officers are getting fed up with the lack of movement in the case.
They say he's under constant watch and undergoing daily medical tests.
Newsbeat's been finding out what holding on for so long does to your insides and, perhaps surprisingly, it turns out it might not be that bad
"There's only so long you can hang on," says Trish Macnair, from the Primary Care Society for Gastroenterology.
She points out the gut moves by itself - so willpower won't be enough to keep things in forever. You can't control it.
"Ultimately, things will move through the bowel and it'll empty itself. Most people have been there," says Trish.
The longer you avoid going to the toilet, the more uncomfortable it's going to get.
And detectives are clearly prepared to play the waiting game
"The suspect will feel his bowel moving, trying to empty. He'll be holding his sphincter tight," adds Trish.
Officers say the man has also been refusing to eat, which presumably makes it easier to resist the call of nature.
But, even that won't work.
"Even if you're not eating, the bowel will still move. That's because only about a third of what you find in faeces is food debris," explains Trish.
"A lot of it is dead, friendly bacteria and the lining of the bowel which is constantly shedding, like skin. Plus, lots of fluid."
But apart from the obvious discomfort, can you do serious harm to yourself?
In cases like this, it's unlikely.
"This is an acute situation, not chronic," says Trish.
"You won't get a devastating build up of toxins that can poison the body in such a short space of time.
"You're just going to get a lot of uncomfortable stretching of intestinal tubes.
Trish says there is a small risk of the bowel swelling and bursting - but in a young, healthy person, you'd expect the bowel to empty itself before that happened.
As Trish says: "I'm amazed he's held on for so long. It's only a matter of time."
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
Had an Indian for lunch today, my farts are even worse than last night if possible
Kandi1977
Garth Crooks
Why don't you try to eat normal food? Or perhaps you're just a sadistic bastards that gets great pleasure from making other people suffer from your flatulence
greatwhitenorf
Edgar Davids
There was a song once that went 'Son, you'll be bachelor boy, and that's the way to stay'.
Were you the muse for the lyricist?
Were you the muse for the lyricist?
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
To be fair I'm in remission from Crohn's and had a bowel resection a few years back, that doesn't help the farts and logs hahaWhy don't you try to eat normal food? Or perhaps you're just a sadistic bastards that gets great pleasure from making other people suffer from your flatulence
markysimmo
Johnny nice-tits
I badly dropped my guts in our printer room today, was laughing when about 20 minutes later one of the PA's came out saying crikey it smells of drains in there
Danishfurniturelover
the prettiest spice girl
I feel for your wife having to wash your undies.
SteveAWOL
Barry Daines
El Guepardo
Rafael Van Der Vaart
I’ve just had one of those times when I tried to brick a log that felt like the size of a football. It got stuck for half the time, like a cork in my butt. I couldn’t shift it, and at work, I hate making the straining noises, as people occupy the cubicles either side, and so couldn’t even let an almighty groan out as I tried to force the fudger out. Just some soft straining noises. Think I must now have lost half a stone in weight! Time maybe to live for a healthier diet.
Danishfurniturelover
the prettiest spice girl
I am on some meds and had to take some different ones because I put my back out a few days ago, never thought to ask if they clashed and whether you could take them together.
Good GHod, some of the farts I have done the last couple of days are absolutely disgusting, what with eating dates because they are meant to be healthy for you. I have done some farts that have come out wet. I am scared to fart incase it is actually a poo.
Did a poo last night and hit the back of the pan with the weirdest sounding noise I ever heard. The whole toilet looked like chocolate mousse. They even smell chemical, I am burning candles all around the house. Got a 4 hour shift this afternoon and I am scared to bend over in case a fart or a poo comes out.
Anyone in Sussex give B&Q in Shoreham BY Sea a miss this afternoon if I were you.
Kind regards, smelly pants.
Good GHod, some of the farts I have done the last couple of days are absolutely disgusting, what with eating dates because they are meant to be healthy for you. I have done some farts that have come out wet. I am scared to fart incase it is actually a poo.
Did a poo last night and hit the back of the pan with the weirdest sounding noise I ever heard. The whole toilet looked like chocolate mousse. They even smell chemical, I am burning candles all around the house. Got a 4 hour shift this afternoon and I am scared to bend over in case a fart or a poo comes out.
Anyone in Sussex give B&Q in Shoreham BY Sea a miss this afternoon if I were you.
Kind regards, smelly pants.