• Dear Guest, Please note that adult content is not permitted on this forum. We have had our Google ads disabled at times due to some posts that were found from some time ago. Please do not post adult content and if you see any already on the forum, please report the post so that we can deal with it. Adult content is allowed in the glory hole - you will have to request permission to access it. Thanks, scara

The poo & guff thread...

I'm on antibiotics at the moment and it's left me scared to fart. I've been for a poo twice today and each time it's looked like someone has put Kermit the frog into a blender.
The 2nd poo was done in complete silence as it poured out, all you could hear was the faint sound of splash back where I hadn't made a thick enough poo hammock in the water. All was quiet until the end where the poo decided to finish with an abrupt crescendo of 2 or 3 farts with each getting loader and more powerful than the previous one. It was almost to the tune of a referee's whistle at the end of a football match.
The final fart actually took me by surprise as it was so powerful it painted the bowl in an army camouflage pattern. As I wiped with one hand, I saluted with the other.
 
Well I just thought I was about to die.

Solid pains in my stomach and wanted to cry, I knew a big brick was coming. Ran to toilet, and felt physically sick.

Out comes a mix of diarrhoea and solid and my GHod the worst smell ever. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to smell that. Was on the bog before united scored and just got back now so ten minutes. But the pain to the sickness to the relief afterwards was amazing.

Flushed it and there's still brown water in there. Eurgh.

It got me thinking though, what is a better feeling - the feeling after you have waited hours to have that tinkle or the feeling where you've nearly brick yourself And you make it to the bog?
 
Last edited:
So I charmed a muddy snake out today. Couldn't flush either, cue 'brick Gate' at the office and calls for dna testing.
 
I'm farting at my desk and can see my colleague next to me whincing. They are so bad they are sinking into the foam of my chair and staying there. I really need a crap too but im in my lunch hour and don't want to waste my lunch crapping when I can do it after 2ish and do it in company time!
 
GinolaGinolaGinola said:
I'm farting at my desk and can see my colleague next to me whincing. They are so bad they are sinking into the foam of my chair and staying there. I really need a crap too but im in my lunch hour and don't want to waste my lunch crapping when I can do it after 2ish and do it in company time!
Click to expand...
Deep foamers are the best, drilling them into a train seat on my commute knowing that somebody will be getting the benefit of them probably a day later hahah
 
I went into panic mode today. I'm full of cold and can't smell a thing. I was stood with no one around me and let out a sneeze but at the same time my arse sneezed too.
It was at this point I hear footsteps behind me and fast approaching. I started sniffing in as much air as possible in the hope I could take the smell out of the air not knowing how bad it was.
I turn around like a frantic Henry the Hoover to be greeted by a bemused colleague. As they're talking to me all I can concentrate on is watching their nostrils twitch for any sign of distress.
I think I got away with it.
 
Does anyone else here use toilet roll like it's never ever going to run out? I use about 5 sheets (minimum) per wipe when it is not my own toilet i.e. work, but a bit more sparingly when it is my own. Most times at work I block the toilet and then run off as I use so much paper.
 
Suffered from massive constipation this morning. If childbirth was worse than that, then women have my unlimiting sympathy. I felt as if my head was going to explode through straining. Worst of all I was at work, so all my grunts would have been heard by all those sharing the facilities. Bad times.
 
El Guepardo said:
Suffered from massive constipation this morning. If childbirth was worse than that, then women have my unlimiting sympathy. I felt as if my head was going to explode through straining. Worst of all I was at work, so all my grunts would have been heard by all those sharing the facilities. Bad times.
Click to expand...
Constipation is evil yet it is so angelic. You know it will come out at some stage.

I have constant problems that I feel very sick every evening when I go for a poop shortly after eating. I am close to being sick and it's diarrhoea, but very consistently. My Mrs thinks I'm not well but this has been going on for years.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back