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The poo & guff thread...

Good GHod! Last night's early evening meal of veggie chili and spicy lamb sausage w/plain yoghurt is leaving residual face melters in it's wake. I can feel them bubble and squeak before sliding out, and the effect is so bad the missus has retrieved the Fabreze bricker room fresh air spray to try and break the code. I am disgusted yet curiously proud. It's been a while since my farts were so bad even the dog screamed 'fudge off you dirty bastard!' at me...very lo carb and lo sugar diet rights now too...
 
Went into the toilet at work yesterday and it smelt like the food you can buy at the safari park to throw at the giraffes on the way round. Good grief.
 
Are we allowed to talk about Sharting in this? I sharted the other day when driving home from my mum and dads after having lasagne. Well it was more of me trying to hold the brick in for ages, and thinking a fart would be good.
 
Does anyone else get bubble farts? Sometimes after farting it feels like there's a spirit level attached to your arse crack where a fart hasn't quite come round to idea of leaving your cheeks and doesn't know which way to go. You can either clench it away with a satisfying pop sound or let it roll to one end and then dislodge itself. Probably just me.
 
thfcsteff said:
Good GHod! Last night's early evening meal of veggie chili and spicy lamb sausage w/plain yoghurt is leaving residual face melters in it's wake. I can feel them bubble and squeak before sliding out, and the effect is so bad the missus has retrieved the Fabreze bricker room fresh air spray to try and break the code. I am disgusted yet curiously proud. It's been a while since my farts were so bad even the dog screamed 'fudge off you dirty bastard!' at me...very lo carb and lo sugar diet rights now too...
Click to expand...

:ross: love it
 
Dayo said:
Does anyone else get bubble farts? Sometimes after farting it feels like there's a spirit level attached to your arse crack where a fart hasn't quite come round to idea of leaving your cheeks and doesn't know which way to go. You can either clench it away with a satisfying pop sound or let it roll to one end and then dislodge itself. Probably just me.
Click to expand...

Mate, get these. Especially when sitting in the car driving. Sort of squeeze one out of the side. hahahah
 
We have 3 toilets on our floor for the mens, and they are cubicles. No urinals at all. When they are all taken, I go to the upper or lower floors. I DO NOT wait for someone to finish. Some dude I work with was waiting and I did a GHod awful smelly brick, and he was just waiting outside the cubicles and then I acknowledged him and he went in there. That's just pure selfishness because he now knows I did that brick, and it stinks, which has therefore put me in a an awkward position. Why couldnt he just leave and use another floor toilets.

Pure selfishness thats all it boils down to.
 
At work we have one sit down and one stand up. If the stand up is taken I will use the sit down. I have no idea why i do it but if someone comes in whilst i'm in the cubicle I won't leave it until the other person has gone. This has resulted in me standing behind the cubicle door for a good 5 minutes just biding my time and waiting. If someone enters the toilet and waits for me to finish it becomes a bit of a standoff but me having a seat means I won't be going anywhere.
 
I get stage fright. I cannot pi55 in a urinal when anyone else is there. I freeze. Unless I am massively pi55ed, but I always cue for the cubicles. Is it small willy syndrome? Well im a grower, so probably, but I literally cannot pi55 if I go to a urinal and people are there....
 
Really don't know what is going on today. I started off with a nice coffee-induced morning crap, looked down to inspect my work and absolutely bloody nothing was there! Have been bricking regularly since and filling the bowl successfully every time so really can't figure out where the first one went! Strange indeed...
 
Just did 3 in the bath, I honestly thought id made a hole in the tub they were that deep with that much force...

Like a submarine sonar
 
Not had a bath in a very long time but when I did I would always cup the bubbles in my hands. It was the closest smell to tomatoes after tomatoes.
 
Had a beef stew earlier with a mountain of veg and the veg has got me already - proper cabbage farts. I quite like them
 
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