Son: “Dad, we’re learning about prisms at school. They’re fascinating.”
Dad: “That’s good son, because as a dyslexic black boy, you’re bound to end up in one.”
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about
A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD. Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that’s when it all kicked off!
Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, your next!!"
An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus?
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the sh*t out of them!!"
Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.
Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"
I made my girlfriends dreams come true and married her in a castle. You wouldn’t have thought it though from the miserable look on her face as we were bouncing around!
After making love to Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell, secondly the staff at Madam Tussauds are miserable sods with no sense of humour!!
The Queens Royal Corgis are delighted to see Prince Phillip back at The Palace as they will no longer be blamed for peeing on the sofa!
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100..
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20..
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is
selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or
the preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels
might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of
£20.
6. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in
case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not
consulted in the application for the felling license. He is also fined
£100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it
deemed too dangerous and could cut something.. He has used the chainsaw
for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct
certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist
and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated
throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and
fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.
When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut
down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off
but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned
and fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down
the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They
also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave behind
several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.
The forester on release is warned that failure to clear
the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offense. He
complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace
and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated
government contractor.
Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to
have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to
make £20 profit by hard work; and gives up, signs onto the dole, and lives
off the state for the rest of his life?
7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he
can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and
their money on a derivative of securities debt related to sub-prime
mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot, with only some government money
left to pay a few million-pound bonuses to their senior directors and the
traders who made the biggest losses.
The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his
old lorry.
However, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets
the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.
Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap
merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for
haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for
themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it
is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their
holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh
girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted
racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay
£1,500 registration fees as a gang master.
The Government borrows more money to pay more to the
bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are
missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths.
8.
Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار.
صاحب تكلفة
> الانتاج 80 من
