The day we lost the Champions League final, I took a long, very drunken walk that led me...well, I don't know where, really.
Eventually I remember finding myself in some woods hours from home. Lost in the wilderness, trudging around in a dress shirt and a Spurs scarf, no doubt looking extremely foolish to the owls and squirrels that were chirruping away on a warm summer's evening.
And when I got home, the one thing that struck me like a hammer was that I might never see us experience a night like that, ever again.
All the hope, all the nervous energy, all the passion and the roars and belief, just...brought down in the cruellest, coldest way. Shorn by the reality of us being Spurs. Always the bridesmaids, football's lovable losers - the ones who sink to their knees in the background as others write life's joyful stories.
It's been a long time since that day, but the ghost of it has haunted me all the way. And not just me - collectively, that final hung around the club like a miasma, the thought of what might have been slicing through every moment of happiness since.
On Wednesday, we exorcised a lot of demons. And the biggest one, for me - was that I was able to experience that night again.
With the same shirt. The same scarf. In the same bar.
The same roars - the same energy, the same passion. The same tears. the same drunken stumble through the streets. The same finding myself in unfamiliar places, wondering how I got there.
But with one, beautiful difference. For just one night, one golden moment I will never, ever forget - we were the main story. We were the heroes. We wrote this story, and no one would ever take this from us.
And as I sang until my voice broke and my partner looked at me like I was mad, it reminded me why this club means more to me than almost anything else in my life.
Thank you for that, Ange. Thank you for that, lads. Thank you all here at GG, and elsewhere.
You made me whole again. And you will never know how much that means to me.
Tottenham until I fudging die.