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The Goon Thread

OMG. Just spent a few moments of hilarity looking at The Popgun faithful frantically fellating themselves over an article by Arsenal Agony Aunt Amy Lawrence at the Athletic.

Did you know that, in the midst of a wildly incoherent 2-2 draw with Chelsea, that Granit 'Head' Xhaka wore 'an invisible armband' according to her ladyship. Forced to drop into a CB role after Luiz' hysterical expulsion, she opines that Xhaka offered a commanding performance marshalling the Popguns' back line. Is she carrying their love child?

It's interesting to note how the Popguns massive are frothing about Arteta's leadership when all he's delivered in the past five games is one win over a floundering ManU, one loss - a late fade to Chelsea - and three draws, the first two of which, at Palace and at home to SheffU, were widely viewed as disastrous outcomes.

With 12 draws from their first 24 games, they are on a pace to set a new Premier League record for most games drawn over a 38-game schedule. That will alleviate their serious relegation fears but leave them well short of European football.

No wonder Perry Emerick Aubaminge wants clear of this epic disaster in the shortest time possible. Watch him emphasize this point by wrecking yet another super sports car.
 
"Arsenal receive injury boost after scan shows Shkodran Mustafi did NOT suffer serious ankle injury during FA Cup victory at Bournemouth"

Declares a Daily Mail headline. Clearly indicating how out of touch they are with Arsenal fans hoping his absence would be a boost to their fortunes.
 
So. The Art-ennaisance has begun. So we've been hearing from media pundits in all the best bars. Arteta has restored their verve, their confidence, their willingness to bond and fight together.

Arsenal Agony Aunt Amy Lawrence is writing these ridiculously emotive screeds over at The Athletic, sports journalism's New Sexy Thing. I subscribe. It's pretty good.

Anyway, you'd think from all this hive-mind, positive thinking exercise that Arsenal were just roaring their way up the ladder and sneering at clubs as they pass them en route to a certain top-four finish.

The truth is, Arteta has a record of 1W-6D-1L in his first 8 games as Exalted Saviour. That's 9 points total from 8 games. Extrapolate that rate of return over 38 games and you're still a couple south of 40 points. It's relegation form. Hey, West Ham will soon have company for their misery.

I had to explain this mathematic extrapolation to two Arsenal fans at a Super Bowl party on Sunday night. They didn't believe me. Even when I used my fingers to count the points and had other onlookers agreeing. They said no, won't happen. Arsenal are too big to let that happen.

But the evidence is there over the first 8 games of Arteta's reign. They don't have far to fall to hit the schitt. Try not to enjoy it too loudly when they bring in Big Sam.
 
greatwhitenorf said:
So. The Art-ennaisance has begun. So we've been hearing from media pundits in all the best bars. Arteta has restored their verve, their confidence, their willingness to bond and fight together.

Arsenal Agony Aunt Amy Lawrence is writing these ridiculously emotive screeds over at The Athletic, sports journalism's New Sexy Thing. I subscribe. It's pretty good.

Anyway, you'd think from all this hive-mind, positive thinking exercise that Arsenal were just roaring their way up the ladder and sneering at clubs as they pass them en route to a certain top-four finish.

The truth is, Arteta has a record of 1W-6D-1L in his first 8 games as Exalted Saviour. That's 9 points total from 8 games. Extrapolate that rate of return over 38 games and you're still a couple south of 40 points. It's relegation form. Hey, West Ham will soon have company for their misery.

I had to explain this mathematic extrapolation to two Arsenal fans at a Super Bowl party on Sunday night. They didn't believe me. Even when I used my fingers to count the points and had other onlookers agreeing. They said no, won't happen. Arsenal are too big to let that happen.

But the evidence is there over the first 8 games of Arteta's reign. They don't have far to fall to hit the schitt. Try not to enjoy it too loudly when they bring in Big Sam.
Click to expand...
Love your writing but your arithmetic sucks donkey balls.
 
OK. They earned 9 points from 8 games. The full season is 38 games. So, let's add 3 more 8 game segments. That gives them (4x9) points for 36 points from 32 games. Six games left and they're earning 9/8 points per game. That's 54/8 points which equals a bit over 6 points and gives them around 42-43 points.

Alright, Einstein. You're right that my math didn't quite tabulate. But it did not suck donkey balls.

Any time Arsenal are crawling at a pace to earn that level of points for a season - and the accompanying ignominy it deserves - is no reason to go off all whack-job on a slightly misplaced calculation.

I'm eating cheese and crackers and sipping a fine red Corbieres wine while casually tabulating football form here, not projecting orbital trajectories. And when Arsenal are slogging along at near relegation pace, anyone who points that out deserves a modicum of good manners.

But no.

Or as the immortal John Belushi might put it:


You're still bitter at me for calling you out for being blankbrained about basketball, aren't you?

Sorry to say, there's no mathematical solution for that. Off you pop and be sure to tell Mum what a hardass you've been on the internet today.
 
Still yet to hear the reasons everyone was so sure Arteta was going to be a great manager. I’ve asked many people, many times!

For all anyone knows about him and his management ability he could just as easily be the next Kidd, Phelan, Querioz, Ramsey? However the overriding consensus is that he’s the next big thing?
 
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