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Parental rights morally

thingonaspring said:
I went to Disney World with my other half and mine and her kids - a year or so ago - Florid. We very nearly had a real problem at the airport over there, because my other half's daughter has her dads surname, not her mum's. That was obviously with her actual mum there. They said that you should carry a copy of the birth certificate, and then there won't (probably) be an issue. So if she knows about that, then they already know how to be ok with it. Just FYI.
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Yeh and I hope that is the case because I don't really want my son stuck at airports or in distress.

My worry will be him coming back on his own with him because the birth certificate will not help as his name is obviously not the dad on there and a letter signed by the mum could easily be a forgery and seen as such unless its been witnessed by a solicitor. Thats according to my mate who works for Markel
 
ricky2tricky4city said:
Who is caring for your son when he returns??
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Did this get answered?
How long is she staying out there for work?

My view is that you absolutely must do whatever you feel you need to do to make yourself happy with arrangements. You have to. Don’t feel like you’re being precious or petty. If you don’t, and there’s a problem, you’ll never forgive yourself.

Hope you can work it out.
 
@Grays_1890 Stumbled on this thread, had some similar issues myself.

Unless one of you has a court order declaring them the primary carer (most people don't) then the law is you need permission from the other parent. Within the EU it's a crime to take a child abroad if the other parent objects -- reason being, some parents might say its a 1 week holiday and then bugger off for good.

In reality, that's all quite extreme and nobody wants to call in international police :)

Most problems of this nature are likely just caused by someone being "an arse" and just needs better communication.

I was advised for my solicitor to send a letter but thought this was overkill, so just politely told my daughters mum. Also we have a rule to tell each other plans/schedules directly rather than through our daughter, this helps a lot and we do it via text/email so it's in writing.

Regardless of the law, my experience is that if someone wants to be a **** then unfortunately they will be. Best to try to not let it get to you and just state your position in a calm way.

I find mum has been more chilled out the older our daughter gets (from absolute nightmare, to almost smooth sailing) so hopefully you have the same. Good luck!
 
I have an unbelievable update.... Cut and paste from a text I received an hour ago. Name removed for obvious but D is the BF and F my son.

"Been meaning to text but been so upset over last few days that I couldn't talk. Basically long story short is that D•~=±“ had a nervous breakdown on way to airport (been brewing for a few weeks/if not months but didn't know it was that bad) and Emirates wouldn't allow him to board (correct and right decision as I didn't want F£¥€$ around that for five days).. they rebooked me onto the night flight but had to return with F£¥€$ back home as had no one to take him back. Hence to say relationship is finally over. Main thing is friends and family rallied round and F£¥€$ is absolutely fine and happy now as people are taking him out etc until I get home. Really don't want to talk about it anymore until I see you and explain all but thought you should know .. I'll be taking F£¥€$ away again to make up for this fudging disaster"

So where to start? The guy trusted bringing my son back was mental and known to be mental!!!!

My sons back in te UK when I've literally just mentally adjusted to him being away...

Everyone knows this and rallying around but me because I've been told F-all..

Rather than calling the work trip off (I know her boss he is cool) and staying at home with our son because naturally he is devestated she takes the night flight out when this portion was holiday anyway and her work don't start till Sunday.

I've been out and live In Essex my sons in Surrey so I can't drive tonight but I called her mum and said I'm picking him up tomorrow to make sure he is ok and cheer him up. Ultimately and its weird I've got this mad sadness over me now, this sence of real hurt for my son that made me well up tonight because in that situation when he was excited to go away (hence why he talked about it) what is he thinking now?

I wish this was a joke and when I read it back it sounds mad...wow
 
Grays_1890 said:
I have an unbelievable update.... Cut and paste from a text I received an hour ago. Name removed for obvious but D is the BF and F my son.

"Been meaning to text but been so upset over last few days that I couldn't talk. Basically long story short is that D•~=±“ had a nervous breakdown on way to airport (been brewing for a few weeks/if not months but didn't know it was that bad) and Emirates wouldn't allow him to board (correct and right decision as I didn't want F£¥€$ around that for five days).. they rebooked me onto the night flight but had to return with F£¥€$ back home as had no one to take him back. Hence to say relationship is finally over. Main thing is friends and family rallied round and F£¥€$ is absolutely fine and happy now as people are taking him out etc until I get home. Really don't want to talk about it anymore until I see you and explain all but thought you should know .. I'll be taking F£¥€$ away again to make up for this fudging disaster"

So where to start? The guy trusted bringing my son back was mental and known to be mental!!!!

My sons back in te UK when I've literally just mentally adjusted to him being away...

Everyone knows this and rallying around but me because I've been told F-all..

Rather than calling the work trip off (I know her boss he is cool) and staying at home with our son because naturally he is devestated she takes the night flight out when this portion was holiday anyway and her work don't start till Sunday.

I've been out and live In Essex my sons in Surrey so I can't drive tonight but I called her mum and said I'm picking him up tomorrow to make sure he is ok and cheer him up. Ultimately and its weird I've got this mad sadness over me now, this sence of real hurt for my son that made me well up tonight because in that situation when he was excited to go away (hence why he talked about it) what is he thinking now?

I wish this was a joke and when I read it back it sounds mad...wow
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The main thing is, your son is ok.

As far as your ex goes, as much as you have every right to be phucked off with her, I'd give her a sympathetic ear right now (even though she might not deserve it). Because if you do that, then you can also make your case (nicely) that the boy should stay with you if she has any of these strange travel arrangements on the horizon again. And hopefully, this situation can then be avoided in the future.
 
Yeh despite the initial anger and confusion of which a the confusion still remains its my son that's key.

I'm off to see him tomorrow and if I'm honest I can't wait...no point scoring nothing more than operation cheer up for him...
 
What was she thinking....now she's revealed this.

At least it puts your mind at ease. You know where your lad is and can step in and rescue his weekend

(Get to the Lane by 12.30....everyones a winner:D).
 
Grays_1890 said:
My mate said kill her with kindness now, let it all settle and when the times right lay the rules firm but fair so this never happens again
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I think you’ve been very reasonable all round and I empathise as I have first had experience with how difficult the situation is for everyone. If it’s just the two of you it’s easy to either lose your rag or just not speak, but the little man comes first which means sometimes you have to bite your tongue for the greater good which is exactly the way you seem to have played it which I know must have taken a lot of restraint.

When the dust has settled I think you should offer draw up some rules to help ‘both’ of you know where you stand in future, basically the same standards for both of you. For me the rules were no taking abroad without prior notice, no non family member babysitting, with first option given to the other partner and no introduction to new (long term)partners until the other partner has been informed /introduced.
 
MKSpur said:
I think you’ve been very reasonable all round and I empathise as I have first had experience with how difficult the situation is for everyone. If it’s just the two of you it’s easy to either lose your rag or just not speak, but the little man comes first which means sometimes you have to bite your tongue for the greater good which is exactly the way you seem to have played it which I know must have taken a lot of restraint.

When the dust has settled I think you should offer draw up some rules to help ‘both’ of you know where you stand in future, basically the same standards for both of you. For me the rules were no taking abroad without prior notice, no non family member babysitting, with first option given to the other partner and no introduction to new (long term)partners until the other partner has been informed /introduced.
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Sounds reasonable to me

Why do some have to be pr1cks about this kind of stuff?
 
the dza said:
The main thing is, your son is ok.

As far as your ex goes, as much as you have every right to be phucked off with her, I'd give her a sympathetic ear right now (even though she might not deserve it). Because if you do that, then you can also make your case (nicely) that the boy should stay with you if she has any of these strange travel arrangements on the horizon again. And hopefully, this situation can then be avoided in the future.
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100% this.
Everyone is "ok" for now.
Sounds like it was an all round mess - that happens and can severely affect rational decision making.

Grays - if you can, try and see this as an opportunity to build a better way to communicate. She screwed up; a constructive and empathetic approach will do alot more than a blame approach.
Her BF (ex?), obviously had issues (most of us do - see the thread on here) that became too much. The fact it's broken them up suggests a real strain recently (you don't break up with someone for having a bit of a breakdown) - which probably affected her decision making. Perhaps that in itself is a good platform for you both to work as a team in a different way to help raise your son?
 
That's quite amazing for that fella not to be allowed on the flight, must have been ranting and raving or hammered or climbing the walls or trying to spot the lizard people? Good luck, sounds like all will be OK in the end, but what was she thinking?
 
Craig_J said:
I can't believe she said its been brewing for sometime and they've had issues and she was still fine to have him bring your son back.

Cherry on the cake!
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Yeh that was my initial reaction.

Like a few have said I am going to show compassion to a level but will be laying down ground rules for future, in a good way not in a forceful one. This won't be happening again. I saw my son at the weekend and he was devastated that he was unable to go on his holidays and was even more upset his mum was away. I am safe guarding him against stuff like this where it cane be avoided. Things happen thats life and we are not all perfect but this could have 100% been avoided or made better.

Thanks so much all on the advise and sorry for the ranting, this forum has helped me to talk about it away from family bias and kept my powder dry which has been so good for me. Been able to step back and take a big picture view.
 
Grays_1890 said:
Yeh that was my initial reaction.

Like a few have said I am going to show compassion to a level but will be laying down ground rules for future, in a good way not in a forceful one. This won't be happening again. I saw my son at the weekend and he was devastated that he was unable to go on his holidays and was even more upset his mum was away. I am safe guarding him against stuff like this where it cane be avoided. Things happen thats life and we are not all perfect but this could have 400% been avoided or made better.

Thanks so much all on the advise and sorry for the ranting, this forum has helped me to talk about it away from family bias and kept my powder dry which has been so good for me. Been able to step back and take a big picture view.
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Mate, you haven't ranted.
You've haven't gone off on one to any degree and, based on what you've been recounting, it would have been understandable if you had.
Seems you've been graceful under pressure yourself.
If you keep that up, you will surely reap benefits as shall your son by the example he sees you setting.
 
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