@theperverts in here - Not heard anything from the cleaner as of yet but had to pass my number via a terrific bloke of Jamaican descent, one of the few good people staff wise that keep the place together, with their grace and all round good vibes.
Hopefully you'll be happy to know that I have been released early (not naming names of who mightn't be
). Having focussed on tips and tricks in terms of not getting carried away with my emotions it wasn't a fist pump goal celebration kind of feeling when I found out. Patients and staff alike had said I didn't belong there and I wasn't sure myself but was a different monster on the way in, don't think I'd ever been so mentally fatigued before.
It's been an eye opener. Sadly I mean in terms of the boring horrible people out there that are will-fully ignorant to the joy of life, some of these people come in to work to take out their tepid numbness out on severely troubled people. Made some great friends, for life I hope, one during a rough episode was banging his head on near enough anything and one member of staff's response was to say "bang it harder". It made it hard to focus on my own "recovery" when seeing such scandalous behaviour. It has a huge effect on my will to life when confronted with such hideous people and assault was commonplace (not once I got settled and was able to intervene with the required conviction that staff lacked).
The hospital simply wasn't adequately prepared and was a mishmash of all kinds of conditions and everyone having no responsibility + a courtyard only used for 5 ten minute smoke breaks a day rather than possibly encouraging exercise. Can't remember what I put on here but upon entrance of the facility my foot was pretty messed up as I kicked a bin (yep I'm massive d!ckhead before someone beats me to it!) and polite requests for ibruefen or at least something anti inflammatory were ignored so I chose to sit and down and cry in front of the office door until my request was met. That was the welcome and getting a toothbrush, toothpaste, towel and shower gel was also an uphill battle and I was an absolute state when I arrived, especially after breaking out of the first hospital once on a little runaway trip in search of hygiene to no avail.
There are plenty of good people working in mental health I'm sure but fudge me there are some wrong'uns too.
Feel blessed to have got out for new years but swung by back to the ward to visit some friends for a window visit on new years eve. Unfortunately I've not walked back in to an ideal situation family wise but as this hasn't been resolved and as such I've not been able to process it, seems inappropriate to share it. Main thing is I've a roof over my head and food in my belly and it's on to the next part of the journey I guess. I hate having to state it but my improved state of mind is almost despite the Acute ward rather than because of it, sending no shots at the NHS whatsoever, but more at the sad, depressingly boring neuro-typical twisted fudges that treat a day as an opportunity to belittle people or withhold information that is important to patients, such as a care plan....This hasn't been fun to write but it's honest.
I'm in need of a regular job / career to supplement the more creative side of things and looking at moving in to the sector of care. Had a home visit today though, which was all about positive momentum and they were happy enough to discharge me to phone based therapy from here on in. As I say, it's all just another step forward in the journey we call life and like everyone, each day you make a decision as to whether you get up and face the potential challenge of reaching your potential. Found that a bit too intimidating before but now I feel ready to make sure I'll never end up in that kind of place again unless I've got an NHS badge on ready to truly help people who need it the most.
It's helped having you guys hearing me out as it's a family I sometimes forget I'm part of. Suppose I should start waffling on and get my mind on the footba-- Oh no, intense anxiety incoming, fudge this sport, club and you lot. I'ma go watch darts, or snooker, or some other fat white dude sport as it seems way less stressful
Happy new years to one and all, hope it's way better than the last, and hope I won't have to post as much in here unless it's messages of support!!!!
