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Work for your dole money...

Leave out your phd if its not relevant

Stick down your a-levels

I promise you won't go to prison

But you might get the job


No, you might not go to prison, however it would be grounds for dismissal.


'Is missing out on a job the worst that can happen? It’s not illegal to tell a white lie, is it?

“Yes it is and can constitute a criminal offence under the Fraud Act 2006. There are well documented cases where people have even received prison sentences.”'



Scratch that, you might just go to prison and have no job.
 
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It wasn't. I was using your impressive skill-set as a great example.

Clearly you are very talented (look at where you are now, kicking back in your bermudas!)

But empathetic molly coddling will get you nowhere, unless you need cheering up

If I wanted to improve and actually secure a role, I'd avoid it like the plague


LOL, I used a word you're obviously afraid of didn't I?
Why does the word 'empathy' scare you so much?
'Molly coddling'...LOL...

The point I was trying to make, which seems to have missed your "listen to how it's done son" scope, is that you cannot make the mistake of judging every situation as being the same. NOT every failed job application is the result of an untailored/mis-directed CV. By making that assumption you would be missing an awful lot of case s where, frankly, decisions have been made regardless of what's on the paper.

Now, a chap as resourceful and bullish as your good elf will obviously know that the most important part of any prospective employment situation is the one-on-one personal interview. That's where you can sell yourself, that's where you can dial up (or down) the qualities and personality you have/will bring to your prospective position.

But the bottom-line is, if you're in your late 40s/early 50s and have an impressive CV which lists some reputable and prestigious positions in your field, yet due to reduced demand in that higher-bracket of workforce you find yourself applying for positions with 25 year olds just out of university, you can tailor your CV al you like, the majority of employers are going to go with the younger person who probably doesn't have family commitments, etc, etc and who will slave themselves to claw their way up the ladder so-to-speak. That's not "molly-coddling" THAT'S being "empathetic" to a situation which exists.

Again, I've always been very fortunate with my professional world so thankfully hasn't bitten me yet...
 
Just get them to call a different number and provide the reference yourself

Just change your voice or accent. Or use a disguise.

image-3-for-new-chris-morris-film-four-lions-gallery-470016006.jpg


One of the greatest, and more tragic, films of recent years. Christ that bit you've illustrated was hilarious.
 
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/jun/04/jubilee-pageant-unemployed


Unemployed bussed in to steward river pageant
Coachloads of jobless people brought in to work unpaid on river pageant as part of Work Programme

Call for inquiry into use of unpaid jobseekers as jubilee stewards

A group of long-term unemployed jobseekers were bussed into London to work as unpaid stewards during the diamond jubilee celebrations and told to sleep under London Bridge before working on the river pageant.

Up to 30 jobseekers and another 50 people on apprentice wages were taken to London by coach from Bristol, Bath and Plymouth as part of the government's Work Programme.

Two jobseekers, who did not want to be identified in case they lost their benefits, said they had to camp under London Bridge the night before the pageant. They told the Guardian they had to change into security gear in public, had no access to toilets for 24 hours, and were taken to a swampy campsite outside London after working a 14-hour shift in the pouring rain on the banks of the Thames on Sunday.

One young worker said she was on duty between London Bridge and Tower Bridge during the ?ú12m river spectacle of a 1,000-boat flotilla and members of the Royal family sail by . She said that the security firm Close Protection UK, which won a stewarding contract for the jubilee events, gave her a plastic see-through poncho and a high-visibility jacket for protection against the rain.

Close Protection UK confirmed that it was using up to 30 unpaid staff and 50 apprentices, who were paid ?ú2.80 an hour, for the three-day event in London. A spokesman said the unpaid work was a trial for paid roles at the Olympics, which it had also won a contract to staff. Unpaid staff were expected to work two days out of the three-day holiday.

The firm said it had spent considerable resources on training and equipment that stewards could keep and that the experience was voluntary and did not affect jobseekers keeping their benefits.

The woman said that people were picked up at Bristol at 11pm on Saturday and arrived in London at 3am on Sunday. "We all got off the coach and we were stranded on the side of the road for 20 minutes until they came back and told us all to follow them," she said. "We followed them under London Bridge and that's where they told us to camp out for the night  It was raining and freezing."

A 30-year-old steward told the Guardian that the conditions under the bridge were "cold and wet and we were told to get our head down [to sleep]". He said that it was impossible to pitch a tent because of the concrete floor.

The woman said they were woken at 5.30am and supplied with boots, combat trousers and polo shirts. She said: "They had told the ladies we were getting ready in a minibus around the corner and I went to the minibus and they had failed to open it so it was locked. I waited around to find someone to unlock it, and all of the other girls were coming down trying to get ready and no one was bothering to come down to unlock [it], so some of us, including me, were getting undressed in public in the freezing cold and rain." The men are understood to have changed under the bridge.

The female steward said that after the royal pageant, the group travelled by tube to a campsite in Theydon Bois, Essex, where some had to pitch their tents in the dark.

She said: "London was supposed to be a nice experience, but they left us in the rain. They couldn't give a crap  No one is supposed to be treated like that, [working] for free. I don't want to be treated where I have to sleep under a bridge and wait for food." The male steward said: "It was the worst experience I've ever had. I've had many a job, and many a bad job, but this one was the worst."

Both stewards said they were originally told they would be paid. But when they got to the coach on Saturday night, they said, they were told that the work would be unpaid and that if they did not accept it they would not be considered for well-paid work at the Olympics.

Molly Prince, managing director of Close Protection UK, said in a statement: "We take the welfare of our staff and apprentices very seriously indeed.

"The staff travelling to the jubilee are completing their training and being assessed on the job for NVQ Level 2 in spectator safety after having completed all the knowledge requirements in the classroom and some previous work experience. It is essential that they are assessed in a live work environment in order to complete their chosen qualifications.

"The nature of festival and event work is such that we often travel sleeping on coaches through the night with an early morning pre-event start  it is the nature of the business  It's hard work and not for the faint-hearted.

"We had staff travel from several locations and some arrived earlier than others at the meeting point, which I believe was London Bridge, which was why some had to hang around. This is an unfortunate set of circumstances but not lack of care on the part of CPUK."

The company said it had spent up to ?ú220 on sponsoring security training licences for each participant and that boots and combat trousers cost more than ?ú100.

The charity Tomorrow's People, which set up the placements at Close Protection under the work programme, said it would review the situation, but stressed that unpaid work was valuable and made people more employable. Tomorrow's People is one of eight youth charities that were supported in the Guardian and Observer's Christmas appeal last year.

Abi Levitt, director of development services at the charity, said: "We have been unable to verify the accuracy of the situation with either the people on work experience or the business concerned.

"We will undertake a review of the situation as matter of urgency. Tomorrow's People believes strongly in the value of work experience in helping people to build the skills, confidence and CV they need to get and keep a job and we have an exemplary record going back nearly 30 years for our work with the long-term unemployed."


I get the feeling such news may not be gracing the publications usually read by the posters currently on this board so thought I'd share this. :-"
 
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/jun/04/jubilee-pageant-unemployed


Unemployed bussed in to steward river pageant
Coachloads of jobless people brought in to work unpaid on river pageant as part of Work Programme

Call for inquiry into use of unpaid jobseekers as jubilee stewards

A group of long-term unemployed jobseekers were bussed into London to work as unpaid stewards during the diamond jubilee celebrations and told to sleep under London Bridge before working on the river pageant.

Up to 30 jobseekers and another 50 people on apprentice wages were taken to London by coach from Bristol, Bath and Plymouth as part of the government's Work Programme.

Two jobseekers, who did not want to be identified in case they lost their benefits, said they had to camp under London Bridge the night before the pageant. They told the Guardian they had to change into security gear in public, had no access to toilets for 24 hours, and were taken to a swampy campsite outside London after working a 14-hour shift in the pouring rain on the banks of the Thames on Sunday.

One young worker said she was on duty between London Bridge and Tower Bridge during the £12m river spectacle of a 1,000-boat flotilla and members of the Royal family sail by . She said that the security firm Close Protection UK, which won a stewarding contract for the jubilee events, gave her a plastic see-through poncho and a high-visibility jacket for protection against the rain.

Close Protection UK confirmed that it was using up to 30 unpaid staff and 50 apprentices, who were paid £2.80 an hour, for the three-day event in London. A spokesman said the unpaid work was a trial for paid roles at the Olympics, which it had also won a contract to staff. Unpaid staff were expected to work two days out of the three-day holiday.

The firm said it had spent considerable resources on training and equipment that stewards could keep and that the experience was voluntary and did not affect jobseekers keeping their benefits.

The woman said that people were picked up at Bristol at 11pm on Saturday and arrived in London at 3am on Sunday. "We all got off the coach and we were stranded on the side of the road for 20 minutes until they came back and told us all to follow them," she said. "We followed them under London Bridge and that's where they told us to camp out for the night … It was raining and freezing."

A 30-year-old steward told the Guardian that the conditions under the bridge were "cold and wet and we were told to get our head down [to sleep]". He said that it was impossible to pitch a tent because of the concrete floor.

The woman said they were woken at 5.30am and supplied with boots, combat trousers and polo shirts. She said: "They had told the ladies we were getting ready in a minibus around the corner and I went to the minibus and they had failed to open it so it was locked. I waited around to find someone to unlock it, and all of the other girls were coming down trying to get ready and no one was bothering to come down to unlock [it], so some of us, including me, were getting undressed in public in the freezing cold and rain." The men are understood to have changed under the bridge.

The female steward said that after the royal pageant, the group travelled by tube to a campsite in Theydon Bois, Essex, where some had to pitch their tents in the dark.

She said: "London was supposed to be a nice experience, but they left us in the rain. They couldn't give a crap … No one is supposed to be treated like that, [working] for free. I don't want to be treated where I have to sleep under a bridge and wait for food." The male steward said: "It was the worst experience I've ever had. I've had many a job, and many a bad job, but this one was the worst."

Both stewards said they were originally told they would be paid. But when they got to the coach on Saturday night, they said, they were told that the work would be unpaid and that if they did not accept it they would not be considered for well-paid work at the Olympics.

Molly Prince, managing director of Close Protection UK, said in a statement: "We take the welfare of our staff and apprentices very seriously indeed.

"The staff travelling to the jubilee are completing their training and being assessed on the job for NVQ Level 2 in spectator safety after having completed all the knowledge requirements in the classroom and some previous work experience. It is essential that they are assessed in a live work environment in order to complete their chosen qualifications.

"The nature of festival and event work is such that we often travel sleeping on coaches through the night with an early morning pre-event start – it is the nature of the business … It's hard work and not for the faint-hearted.

"We had staff travel from several locations and some arrived earlier than others at the meeting point, which I believe was London Bridge, which was why some had to hang around. This is an unfortunate set of circumstances but not lack of care on the part of CPUK."

The company said it had spent up to £220 on sponsoring security training licences for each participant and that boots and combat trousers cost more than £100.

The charity Tomorrow's People, which set up the placements at Close Protection under the work programme, said it would review the situation, but stressed that unpaid work was valuable and made people more employable. Tomorrow's People is one of eight youth charities that were supported in the Guardian and Observer's Christmas appeal last year.

Abi Levitt, director of development services at the charity, said: "We have been unable to verify the accuracy of the situation with either the people on work experience or the business concerned.

"We will undertake a review of the situation as matter of urgency. Tomorrow's People believes strongly in the value of work experience in helping people to build the skills, confidence and CV they need to get and keep a job and we have an exemplary record going back nearly 30 years for our work with the long-term unemployed."


I get the feeling such news may not be gracing the publications usually read by the posters currently on this board so thought I'd share this. :-"

I read the guardian and regularly post articles in here.
 
Stranded on the side of the road for 20 minutes

It was RAINING

It was DARK

:ross:

Classic Guardian.....classic lazy ****s
 
C'mon dude, do you seriously think it was reasonable for them to have to sleep under a bridge for the night?

They did not sleep under the bridge for the night.....the bus dropped them off 2 hours early then arranged (bad logistical planing) so they arived at 3am not 5am.....so they sheltered under the bridge out of the rain. Some of them feel asleep thus "slept" under the bridge.
 
They did not sleep under the bridge for the night.....the bus dropped them off 2 hours early then arranged (bad logistical planing) so they arived at 3am not 5am.....so they sheltered under the bridge out of the rain. Some of them feel asleep thus "slept" under the bridge.

The woman said that people were picked up at Bristol at 11pm on Saturday and arrived in London at 3am on Sunday. "We all got off the coach and we were stranded on the side of the road for 20 minutes until they came back and told us all to follow them," she said. "We followed them under London Bridge and that's where they told us to camp out for the night  It was raining and freezing."

A 30-year-old steward told the Guardian that the conditions under the bridge were "cold and wet and we were told to get our head down [to sleep]". He said that it was impossible to pitch a tent because of the concrete floor.

The woman said they were woken at 5.30am and supplied with boots, combat trousers and polo shirts. She said: "They had told the ladies we were getting ready in a minibus around the corner and I went to the minibus and they had failed to open it so it was locked. I waited around to find someone to unlock it, and all of the other girls were coming down trying to get ready and no one was bothering to come down to unlock [it], so some of us, including me, were getting undressed in public in the freezing cold and rain." The men are understood to have changed under the bridge
.

Sounds like they were told to sleep under a bridge to me! And is the rest of that excerpt really acceptable? Not in my view! Sure get unemployed people to work, but don't treat them like brick!
 
Hugely underrated film!

So funny


Sad too, because most of the nutters are like these characters. I read a book about the 9/11 hijackers and the build-up wasn't entirely dissimilar. That taco Richard Reid could've walked straight out of this film...

I think one my favorite lines is when the coppers are arguing.
"It's a wookie!"
"No, it' a bear!"
Priceless...fudge as I write this, I've just remembered 10 other bits immediately that cracked me up...
 
:ross::ross:

I knew it was only a matter of time. NAMED sources (not like the Guardian's 'job seeker' or 'young worker' bull brick)

Robert Cooke, 30, from Plymouth:

Organisers found somewhere for us to shelter, and said that if any of us wanted to get into our sleeping bags to keep warm, then we could. Most of us just stayed up chatting. It was a good laugh, and we had access to the portable loos the whole time. They have paid for all the training for my licence and an NVQ in crowd safety. They gave us boots worth ?ú80, and a uniform. We worked out that what they’ve spent is the equivalent of us being paid ?ú45 an hour.

Kirsty Nicholls, 23, also from Plymouth:

“I would like to thank CPUK for the amazing experience I was a part of this weekend. I am extremely grateful for this opportunity. We were treated with the utmost respect and highly praised for the work we had done. I personally volunteered to do all three days work as I found the experience incredibly pleasurable. I look forward to a long career with CPUK.

Markus Hanks, another volunteer, said:

“Thanks for a great time at the Diamond Jubilee. Brilliant company to work for, great staff, brilliant atmosphere between everyone, looking forward to working with Close Protection UK again at the London 2012 Olympics. I’m supporting you and the Close Protection UK 110%.”

Word of advice. Please stop reading the Guardian. Mugs

:ross::ross:
 
:ross::ross:

I knew it was only a matter of time. NAMED sources (not like the Guardian's 'job seeker' or 'young worker' bull brick)

Robert Cooke, 30, from Plymouth:

Organisers found somewhere for us to shelter, and said that if any of us wanted to get into our sleeping bags to keep warm, then we could. Most of us just stayed up chatting. It was a good laugh, and we had access to the portable loos the whole time. They have paid for all the training for my licence and an NVQ in crowd safety. They gave us boots worth ?ú80, and a uniform. We worked out that what they’ve spent is the equivalent of us being paid ?ú45 an hour.

Kirsty Nicholls, 23, also from Plymouth:

“I would like to thank CPUK for the amazing experience I was a part of this weekend. I am extremely grateful for this opportunity. We were treated with the utmost respect and highly praised for the work we had done. I personally volunteered to do all three days work as I found the experience incredibly pleasurable. I look forward to a long career with CPUK.

Markus Hanks, another volunteer, said:

“Thanks for a great time at the Diamond Jubilee. Brilliant company to work for, great staff, brilliant atmosphere between everyone, looking forward to working with Close Protection UK again at the London 2012 Olympics. I’m supporting you and the Close Protection UK 110%.”

Word of advice. Please stop reading the Guardian. Mugs

:ross::ross:

No doubt the Grauniad will print one of their page 45 smallest font possible retractions as per usual.
 
No doubt the Grauniad will print one of their page 45 smallest font possible retractions as per usual.

No, apparently 1.3% of those attending did complain and found working for a living a chore

Good job the other 98.7% were happy to start making something of their lives

:ross:

I love the loony left. fudge wits
 
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