So tell me what you cannot do on the Android?
Bearing in mind that earlier, you said you just read emails, surf the web, text and call people.
My phone is stock, no jailbreak.
Connected to my Office 365 emails, I use the stock browser (this site works PERFECTLY on it). And I send hundreds of texts and make thousands of calls.
Facebook and Twitter work great. It's got a camera, telegraph fantasy football app, tube map, SKY+, WiFi hotspot, Tesco and Maps.
It just works. What am I missing?
Edit: I also use Dropbox for cloud access to all my files, and Cardio Trainer for FREE workout mapping (cycling)
It's not about what it can do - all phones can do all of the above. It's about quickly and intuitively doing it - if sending a text or email is even slightly awkward I just won't bother - I'll send an email from my laptop.
Apart from the UI, the screen on the iPhone makes all of this soooo much easier - there are very few devices out there that can match the iPhone touchscreen and none that are better.
None of this is to say that android can't be better than the iPhone - it certainly has more potential, it's just not better out of the box and I don't have the inclination to make it better any more.