"Your computer is under attack"

[Rock Strongo]

"Your computer is under attack", a short story by Brock Longo.

I was told this today, by a man who kept coughing in an Indian accent.

"Right now, your computer is under attack."

I was stunned. Ok..., I muttered.

"The internet on your...*inaudible because of background noise*... threats.... hackers...".

Oh no, I said.

"Yes", he said. "I can fix this. I need you to turn on your computer."

My mind is racing now. Think fast! How do I tinkle this guy off? I tell him it's on.

"Good. What do you see on your monitor?"

I tell him a blue screen with white letters.

"Ok. Anything else? What do the letters say?"

Commodore 64.

"Commodore 64?" he asks. "Don't you have a small laptop?"

What a strange thing, to specify a small one. I tell him my Commodore isn't THAT big.

"You don't have a laptop?"

No, I say. I have a Commodore 64 with a cassette player and two joysticks. Hello?

End of conversation.

 

[StephenH]

They are a pain in the arse these calls.

I asked one to hold and said quite quietly while pretending to block the mouthpiece "can you trace this call, John!" or something along these lines. They hung up!

 

[Glenda's Legs]

I asked one to hold on whilst I fetched my laptop from the other room.
Put the phone on speaker and left it like that. Every now and again I'd hear a "hello?" "hello?" "Are you there"?.
After about 10 minutes they hung up.
A small victory in the grand scheme of things, but it was 10 minutes while they weren't pestering somebody else who just might have been less savvy.

 

[glorygloryeze]

I asked one to hold on whilst I fetched my laptop from the other room.
Put the phone on speaker and left it like that. Every now and again I'd hear a "hello?" "hello?" "Are you there"?.
After about 10 minutes they hung up.
A small victory in the grand scheme of things, but it was 10 minutes while they weren't pestering somebody else who just might have been less savvy.

A thing i've always wanted to do was have them on hold whilst you "try and locate your equipment" and just have a conversation in the background, perhaps joking about how sh!te some call centre operatives are whilst laughing loudly, then every two minutes go back to the phone and say "please stay on the line, i appreciate your patience"

 

[Kandi1977]

I work with fraud prevention, and i'm also quite skilled when it comes to computers. One time I managed to keep them occupied for almost one hour, and I totally screwed them.
I set up a virtual pc, did the "switcharoo" and ended up taking control of HIS computer . It was hilarious. I was just about to install a script that causes windows to constantly reboot, but unfortunately couldn't finish it before he shut down.

 

[ShipOfTheseus]

I was just about to install a script that causes windows to constantly reboot

Version 1803 Windows update? That would have been cruel.

 

[nayimfromthehalfwayline]

Back when the youngest was a toddler I used to just hand the phone to her and let her get on with it

 

[Baleforce]

Back when the youngest was a toddler I used to just hand the phone to her and let her get on with it

did she make much money out of it?

 

[7percent]

I feel like you guys would all enjoy this, if you haven't seen it yet you're doing the internet wrong:

 

[Rorschach]

I got a sneaky email the other day saying my webcam had been hacked and I was to transfer 1k to some bitcoin address or else they would distribute a vid of me looking at porn or something to all my contacts. Normally I would delete this without a moments thought but this one had my passwords in the mail title.

So this freaked me out a little. How did they get the password? I was getting more than a little paranoid. Anyway after a little research, I found an identical email in a newspaper article from a while back. A database of email/passwords were sold to spammers after a data breach of some music site I used to use. fudgers.

 

[7percent]

This one is genius as well:

 

[SpurMeUp]

Reminds me of this, mainly the voice

"Been injured at work?"

"I am so pleased you called, I lost a testicle."

From there take it any which way you like

There are some amazing scams out there. Flats for rent that are too good to be true must make millions and millions. Saved a couple of people from them, and had a dialogue with some conman once trying to get me to hold his flat with a deposit while he flew into town, even got them to come clean and talk about their work.

Does anyone remember the pre-digital speakers out the back of van scam?

 

[scaramanga]

Reminds me of this, mainly the voice

"Been injured at work?"

"I am so pleased you called, I lost a testicle."

From there take it any which way you like

There are some amazing scams out there. Flats for rent that are too good to be true must make millions and millions. Saved a couple of people from them, and had a dialogue with some conman once trying to get me to hold his flat with a deposit while he flew into town, even got them to come clean and talk about their work.

Does anyone remember the pre-digital speakers out the back of van scam?

I had one of those ambulance chasers call me once. I was in the car, on a 3hr drive so had all the time in the world to waste.

I told them I had been in an accident and had been decapitated - they were on the line 15mins before they realised I was taking the tinkle.