I have been a Spurs fan for 40 years.
I have been going to games at the Lane for more than 30 years.
I have had two season tickets for nigh on 20 years.
In all that time, I have borne witness to some truly shocking Spurs performances. I have suffered some dreadful Spurs teams. I have been subjected to some acutely embarrassing results. And I have swallowed some bitter disappointments.
Yet my love of going to games has never wavered.
Until now.
What am I talking about? This current team? This manager? Today's performance?
No. None of those. That would be silly. I have seen far worse teams. Far worse performances. And this manager needs time - to succeed or to fail.
No..........what I'm talking about is, sadly, something that I have all too often had to talk about over the past few seasons - but especially this season.
I'm talking about our fans. I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that our fans are the worst in the entire country. If I was a Spurs player, I wouldn't want to play for us. If I was Gareth Bale, I would be telling my agent to get me out of here as quickly as possible. If I was Jan Vertonghen, I'd be asking myself why the fudge I signed for this club. If I was a kid at his first game, I wouldn't want to support Spurs. I'd look elsewhere for a club upon which to lavish my love and, in the future, my money.
There's just a terrible feeling around the Lane these days. No fun. No passion. No unity. No sense of a club and fans on a shared journey, with a common cause.
And no.....poor performances are no excuse for the utter lack of any support from the stands - a few sorry, half hearted and short lived chants from the Park Lane notwithstanding. As I said, anyone who has been coming to the Lane for any length of time has had to put up with far worse than what we witnessed today, far too often in the past. But we still had an atmosphere.
Today, the only time that the vast majority of fans (to call them "supporters" would be a misnomer) stirred themselves from utter silence was to boo or berate. I wouldn't mind the booing and the slagging off of players and manager if those who were voicing their displeasure had earned it by at least making some effort to get behind the team in the first place. But no, these people prefer to sit in po-faced silence....until something goes wrong, at which point they suddenly find their voices. And then some. Sickening. Disheartening.
Modern football has stripped the game of most of its romance. But, still, I can take financially doped clubs like Chelsea and City in my stride. I can take the erosion of true competition. I can take the inexorable spread of commercialism.
But what I can't take is the metamorphosis of the atmosphere at the Lane from the impressive and electric experience that it once was to the depressing embarrassment that it now is. In short, it's just no fun going to games any more. Time was when it was always fun - regardless of the quality of the Spurs team of the day. Nowadays, it's never really fun - even when we play brilliantly.
Fans have it within them to make games fun regardless of the performance or the result. But they choose not to. Maybe they have forgotten it? Maybe they never even knew it?
Whatever..........unless things change - and quickly - it saddens me profoundly to have to confess that this could very well be the final straw. My days of being a regular at the Lane could soon be coming to an end.