my mum died in 2002, it started out as breast cancer and she beat it twice, the third time the ****er snuck up on us and had got into her blood before we even knew she was ill, started on the chemo again, which is hell, the things it did to her, it was a long time ago now but I remember that comforting her through the aftermath of that was a more visceral experience than near the end
she spent her last few months in a hospice and luckily I'd just lost my job so could spend a lot of time with her, my sister was at college at the other end of the country so had to go back and forth and I suspect she still feels guilty that she wasn't there all the time, not that anyone else in the family thinks she could have done any differently and she's certainly never been accused otherwise so I would definitely agree with the above about spending as much time as possible with him, as much for yourself as for him, cancer doesn't only affect one person at a time
the hospice was great, but she still felt like a prisoner, we spent a fortune on credit for her cell phone which was the only thing that kept her sane until the pain and the drugs started to take over, anything that can be done to bring a degree of normality will help, even small stuff, watching countdown even
for my mum I think the best thing I could do was to be there and be myself, I always tried to keep on top of my feelings and talk to her about "normal" stuff, she was incredibly optimistic, maybe it was just the drugs talking but she was convinced she'd get better and liked to imagine her next birthday party, even after we'd crossed the terminal status line, I always thought it would be wrong to put a downer on that
in saying that though it's important to try and be aware of the timeline, I'd reccomend having the doctors tell you as much as you can stand, I didn't want to ever walk into the room and have her see the shocked look on my face at the days regress so I always wanted to know what to expect
when things change they change quickly, very very quickly
when it happened it honestly was a relief, I know it's a cliche but it's true, not that you feel relief, I just felt numb for a while
and not everything stops, different people will deal with it in different ways, some will shut down mentally, others will be hysterical, wherever you are on the scale you'll get abuse from the opposite end for the way you handle it, people lash out when they are hurting, don't take things personally
you have to handle it in your own way though, there isn't a right answer how to mourn,
the funeral will only open things up again
to air another well worn cliche, it gets easier with time
sorry, this is a bit of a ramble, and I think all the advice I've offered has already been imparted by others more concisely
