Monday morning: Survival
Im sure I'm not alone in dreading tomorrow at work. Banter is one thing, but off the back of one of the most disappointing weekends for us ever, we could be getting stick from all angles. So I thought it might be worth getting ready with a few retaliatory strikes.
First up, it's all about pretending you don't really care. Of course, lots of us are really hurting about this. But we don't have to let on. I'll say I'm gutted, but I'm going to go down the route of "was hardly a surprise, the team made a hash of it back in February and I'm surprised we even finished fourth". Not going to cite Foy, England manager speculation, Balotelli etc as excuses, keep that up my sleeve if anyone really wants to dissect that period. Also, no CL didn't stop us from finishing fourth this season, and we are only getting better.
Moving on then to supporters of other teams, it's all about the counter attack.
ARSE: point out that we are on the way up, they are clearly moving backwards. Levy won't sell Modric, didn't last year, but RVP clearly going (Fabregas, Nasri). Remind them how plastic their fans are, booing the team at the end of the season. Remind them that their team have as little bottle as us, as they are showing in cup finals. Point out they have won just as much as us this year and sarcastically offer to call it quits.
WEST HAM: I am well up for any of this lot, just a shame very few where I work. Will congratulate them on winning their first trophy (sort of) for 30 years. Point out how the 4-6 points we always take off them will put us third next season. Remind them about the Olympic Stadium is going to kill their atmosphere. Remind them that they bottled their own division as badly as we did. Remind them that they are small fish, and if they had any players worth having they would be ours by the start of the season (Defoe, Carrick, Parker). Tell them to come back when they start challenging for Europa cup spots, let alone top 4.
MAN U: ask them if they would swap places with us, who lost out to a minor local rival or their most bitter, in the last minute of the season?
CHELSKI: obviously the hardest of the lot to comeback against. All about devaluing their success, point out that 6th + a CL after ten years of heavy investment is woeful. Clearly not enough class there in the first place, if we had a quarter of their cash we'd win the treble.
Remember, banter is all about shouting the other guy down. Stubbornness and ignorance is the key. We might have lost out big time this weekend but I'm not bending over for anyone, I'm going down fighting!