• Dear Guest, Please note that adult content is not permitted on this forum. We have had our Google ads disabled at times due to some posts that were found from some time ago. Please do not post adult content and if you see any already on the forum, please report the post so that we can deal with it. Adult content is allowed in the glory hole - you will have to request permission to access it. Thanks, scara

Mental Health Discussion & Check-In Thread

Muttley said:
It totally feels like the right place for your conversation.

It's a well known concept that when you're spending a lot of time by yourself then you're liable for more thinking, or even over-thinking, and that can be quite a burden when your mental health isn't optimal. You can sit in this over-analysis state or you can get off your arse and get out there and do stuff. I reckon you already know all of this, and seem fully aware of what weed does to this equation.

Out of interest, why did you quit the open mic scene and why was that the place you went back to for solace? Most people on here know I'm a musician. It forms a big part of my life and I even run an Open Mic in Wokingham, Berks. Do you play an instrument or sing or both?

The reason I ask is that I was a very late bloomer at music. I did my first ever gig in Dec 23 for a mates 60th b'day at the grand old age of 50 myself. I never had time for open mics or band stuff in my earlier life. I was too busy being a corporate wally and flying around the world, whilst doing crazy long hours. Then the music thing happened big time for me. That being said, what I'm noticing is that the music community has some very diverse people. They can be properly hard work and some can't separate friendship from music. For them music is friendship and without it there is no friendship. So the first time you have a musical difference the friendship is at risk. That does my head in as I'm not wired that way. What I also find more interesting is the neurodiversity amongst the musicians. In one rehearsal, one comment came from our lead singer that if you're a musician and don't think you've got ADHD then you're a liar. We all tinkled ourselves laughing.

It does feel like what you need is to find a hobby where there is a reasonably big group of people. Then you have a better chance of finding the like minded individuals within it and start hanging out with them. It's how it works for me. I exist in a community of 40-50 musicians. We all play in different bands and there is a healthy overlap. Within that though, you know the ones that you'll be sitting at the bar with at midnight having a laugh with or having a deep conversation, and the ones you just do the pleasantries and stay away from. I've made a few wrong turns on that and had to course correct over time.

I hope a few other posters jump into this conversation. It should be a great one, and will help loads of us.
Click to expand...

On the music thing, it's always something that comes and goes with me. I was a sound engineer but also played professionally for weddings/ festivals in the south of France, via contacts I'd made after leading the sound team for a music festival. With bands I've never really been in with people who wanted to play the same kind of music, it was guns n roses covers galore as a bassist when I was a kid, playing in some alternate bands in college as a guitarist (I learnt out of necessity because I didn't rate the guitarists around thh) and then your typical wedding band stuff later on. But I realised with playing solo I could just do whatever I wanted and that was fun. I like taking on songs and making them my own, but I've written just one song, I've got a brick load of ideas down but there's a creative block which I'm investigating. Just the last few weeks I've been playing at this open session at a decent venue, good to meet some musicians.

On the smoking I loved getting mad blazed and going out and doing brick as well, but also being an absolute hermit too. Anthony Bourdain said it best, the idea of him fighting against the version of himself that is just a lazy teenager that wants to smoke, watch cartoons, eat loads of flimflam, if you can do that for a day or two and return to a productive life, fair play but I rarely do things in moderation!

You're right on the community aspect, I'm working my way into that in Lincoln and want it to be more collaborative, but also as I say it's been quite frustrating at times because stuff I played has felt quite basic. As pretentious as it sounds, I'm probably more of a musician's musician rather than a crowd pleaser, fudge playing sweet Caroline or Wonder wall to a bunch of tinkled up punters (but fair enough to anyone who wants to do that!).

On the neurodiversity point, I bet if you go back far enough on this thread you'll see me rambling on about my bi polar diagnosis. I probably leant into the label a bit too much and I choose to the rawdog the world in the sense of not taking meds and disengaged from the mental health support. The system is under massive pressure and friends / community / reading does a lot more for me than some half arsed overpaid white coat who gets information so wrong that it's almost libellous yet remains on my record. Ah still some bitterness over that I see!
 
MartyFunkhouser said:
A best friend of mine, his sister and her fella have been like that for 30 years and are still happily "together". They are happiest "couple" I know and despite some social norm frowns here and there I think there is alot to be said for it
Click to expand...

I've just been talking about it today funnily enough.

We went to see Kiki's delivery service on the big screen, out for food afterwards, then some horizontal enjoyment, but then there's not the same pressure on doing the less fun stuff...

I'm sure if one of us suddenly feels differently and wants to see other people it'll no doubt hurt, but that's the same if we were officially together so what's the difference? It is a lil tricky as we share one friend group and my ex hasn't always been the most tactful, I didn't talk about our problems with mutuak friends as it's putting them in a bot of a spot. I'm super open on here about anything but it's different being spoken about, especially if I feel like I'm being misrepresented. Of course right after a breakup people often focus on the negatives of the other person and sometimes amplify them.
 
Sharing this from the 'What Happened Today' thread as i think it also ties in highly into the mental health aspect:
Not addicted but man, phones these days... i dont know. I find myself on the commute home just mindlessly doom scrolling and i am finding it pulls me away from things.

Take watching the match on the tv at home, i'm speaking to the lads in the Spurs chat about it. Or watching a movie you easily end up scrolling midway. Even Ben Affleck/Matt Damon mentioned this when they released The Rip on Netflix how "you have to continously remind viewers of the plot so it's different to making cinema movies to netflix movies".

So, am on a Nokia. I wont lie, i've had to open up the iPhone now and then for something or other, it's so ingrained into us, but since yesterday am trying to be as present as possible and be off the iPhone. will be difficult with things like needing Google Maps if i am going anywhere this weekend, but really i just want to stop being so damn distracted.
was a recent article on this about memory impact with social media. good read: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-screen-time-intelligence-memory-b3070807.html
 
Diamond Lights said:
Sharing this from the 'What Happened Today' thread as i think it also ties in highly into the mental health aspect:
Not addicted but man, phones these days... i dont know. I find myself on the commute home just mindlessly doom scrolling and i am finding it pulls me away from things.

Take watching the match on the tv at home, i'm speaking to the lads in the Spurs chat about it. Or watching a movie you easily end up scrolling midway. Even Ben Affleck/Matt Damon mentioned this when they released The Rip on Netflix how "you have to continously remind viewers of the plot so it's different to making cinema movies to netflix movies".

So, am on a Nokia. I wont lie, i've had to open up the iPhone now and then for something or other, it's so ingrained into us, but since yesterday am trying to be as present as possible and be off the iPhone. will be difficult with things like needing Google Maps if i am going anywhere this weekend, but really i just want to stop being so damn distracted.
was a recent article on this about memory impact with social media. good read: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-screen-time-intelligence-memory-b3070807.html
Click to expand...
Id bet if you were to look at the digital wellbeing data in the settings circa 80% of people's time is spent on insta X fbook tiktok snap etc.

Don't beat yourself up for using it for something useful. Smartphones are smart after all....it's the dog doo crack apps that are the problem.
 
ricky2tricky4city said:
Id bet if you were to look at the digital wellbeing data in the settings circa 80% of people's time is spent on insta X fbook tiktok snap etc.

Don't beat yourself up for using it for something useful. Smartphones are smart after all....it's the dog doo crack apps that are the problem.
Click to expand...
You should patent Dog Doo Crack App, and get all the .com insta Facebook domains. Think you're on a winner.
 
Diamond Lights said:
Sharing this from the 'What Happened Today' thread as i think it also ties in highly into the mental health aspect:
Not addicted but man, phones these days... i dont know. I find myself on the commute home just mindlessly doom scrolling and i am finding it pulls me away from things.

Take watching the match on the tv at home, i'm speaking to the lads in the Spurs chat about it. Or watching a movie you easily end up scrolling midway. Even Ben Affleck/Matt Damon mentioned this when they released The Rip on Netflix how "you have to continously remind viewers of the plot so it's different to making cinema movies to netflix movies".

So, am on a Nokia. I wont lie, i've had to open up the iPhone now and then for something or other, it's so ingrained into us, but since yesterday am trying to be as present as possible and be off the iPhone. will be difficult with things like needing Google Maps if i am going anywhere this weekend, but really i just want to stop being so damn distracted.
was a recent article on this about memory impact with social media. good read: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-screen-time-intelligence-memory-b3070807.html
Click to expand...
 
I am finding myself really struggling to deal with the loss of Tilly, our 15 year old Spaniel. I have run it through all the logic tools (great lifespan, it was the right time for her as she was really on the edge of struggling so we allowed her passage with dignity), and I understand the passages of gried, but f uck, this is just gut-wrenching. It as much the quiet roar of the space she has left that has me...and then I cannot hug her, walk her, chat with her, etc...I think these last 10 years have been tough in the sense of loss, my dad, my mum, my 14 year old cat, the struggles my daughter had...ironically, she moved out the same week Tilly left and has built a great opportunity for herself, so that is a huge positive, and I recognize this is life, but I think also having come to terms with my own life-long anxieties in the last 5 years, it has been a hard decade. My wife and I struggled in 2019 but put tons of work in and are as strong and tight as we've ever been, so that's a blessing. But recently, specifically the last few weeks, we have found ourselves just staring into space, or vegging on TV binges, that sort of thing...add the overall fatigue of the world, and it feels like the weirdest of times. I mean, most of the time I am trundling along, and then suddenly I realise Tilly isn't in the window, or she's not on the backseat, or she's just not here, and it I just crumble...anyway, 60 in March too...at least Spurs are roaring again! Thanks for reading...
 
thfcsteff said:
I am finding myself really struggling to deal with the loss of Tilly, our 15 year old Spaniel. I have run it through all the logic tools (great lifespan, it was the right time for her as she was really on the edge of struggling so we allowed her passage with dignity), and I understand the passages of gried, but f uck, this is just gut-wrenching. It as much the quiet roar of the space she has left that has me...and then I cannot hug her, walk her, chat with her, etc...I think these last 10 years have been tough in the sense of loss, my dad, my mum, my 14 year old cat, the struggles my daughter had...ironically, she moved out the same week Tilly left and has built a great opportunity for herself, so that is a huge positive, and I recognize this is life, but I think also having come to terms with my own life-long anxieties in the last 5 years, it has been a hard decade. My wife and I struggled in 2019 but put tons of work in and are as strong and tight as we've ever been, so that's a blessing. But recently, specifically the last few weeks, we have found ourselves just staring into space, or vegging on TV binges, that sort of thing...add the overall fatigue of the world, and it feels like the weirdest of times. I mean, most of the time I am trundling along, and then suddenly I realise Tilly isn't in the window, or she's not on the backseat, or she's just not here, and it I just crumble...anyway, 60 in March too...at least Spurs are roaring again! Thanks for reading...
Click to expand...

Pets are friends. You've just lost a close friend - you should feel like that. It's healthy and a mark of how good the relationship was.
I'm sad to hear Tilly is no longer here, but glad you get the privilege of these current feelings - how we feel when relationships pass are the best testament and tribute possible.
Big hugs.

Also, your 60?! I thought you were about 12 ;)
(Joking of course)

Re; feeling in a funk. Yeah, the world will do that at the moment. Make a concerted effort to do something that gives you peace, or something new. Doesn't need to be big. A day, maybe two, away from the four walls and TV. Hell, maybe even leave your phone in the car/hotel?
 
monkeybarry said:
Pets are friends. You've just lost a close friend - you should feel like that. It's healthy and a mark of how good the relationship was.
I'm sad to hear Tilly is no longer here, but glad you get the privilege of these current feelings - how we feel when relationships pass are the best testament and tribute possible.
Big hugs.

Also, your 60?! I thought you were about 12 ;)
(Joking of course)

Re; feeling in a funk. Yeah, the world will do that at the moment. Make a concerted effort to do something that gives you peace, or something new. Doesn't need to be big. A day, maybe two, away from the four walls and TV. Hell, maybe even leave your phone in the car/hotel?
Click to expand...

Thanks mate, yes indeed...I definitely jump on the old bicycle and cycle the bluffs, drag myself to my thrice weekly gym thing, keeping busy with work, we're both at the stage where the 'let's do something new' item is the one, however we're going to do so after the holidays. I agree, leaving the phone behind a little more often is also a healthy to do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back