As I stubbornly adopted my positive stance in the wake of our (frankly) galling defeat at home to Fulham yesterday, as I posted glib responses to the genuine and raw emotional frustrations of others in the match thread, a contributor called Dubaispur responded to one of my 'keep calm and carry on' style posts with something I shall paraphrase as thus. Basically that yes, they understood the long-term in what I was saying, but that an official match thread is going to contain some angry and tinkled off people, and that I should understand that my chirpings came across as arrogant, sanctimonious and stubbornly aloof.
My immediate reaction, my gut one, the 'word association'-style response I had to Dubaispur's comments was that they were right. 100%. i could immediately see how it could quite easily come across as such.
This lead me to consider WHY I react like this, and why (indeed) I reacted this way to this specific match? I can assure you, I was not at all happy. I sat in an increasingly depressed fog hoping for a miracle (Defoe twice had the chance to deliver and failed - another story) and I was certainly not a picture of calm or zen-like understanding as the aforementioned hit Schwarzer rather than the back of the net from 2 yards. So why could I also not join in the chorus of angry reactions?
I think it's because my pain threshold is so great, so elastic and so high when it comes to Tottenham Hotspur, that I simply refuse to believe it's over until it's over in May. Or that we've succeeded until we've done 'it' in May. In fact, I don't generally these days believe anything about our club until May. It's just safer that way. Call it decades of conditioning, including what was probably the cruelest season of all, 1981/82, when we were on course for 4 trophies heading into mid-March and ended up with one (this after clinging on for an entire second-half against a QPR side who battered us). That was a soul-scarring season. I'm not sure I've ever fully recovered. Oh, the Ossie-era too. Then Glenn's failure, yeah, that cut me to the bone in terms of sadness, and then there was Lasagnegate, another absolutely gut-wrenching feeling of sickness. Then there was last season; we don't need to go there.
The pain has been great. And I suppose that what happens in the match thread is an extension of this pain for all of us. We're all part of it. We're all in footballing pain to some degree, and we all feel an ugly little brick of angry sadness got dumped on our heads when the final whistle blew yesterday. So I suppose what happens is that we all express our frustrations in different ways.
Me? I tend to try and find positives, eek out what I see is a greater reality versus a shorter term slump, offer what (in my mind) is encouragement (as if anybody other than is reads these things of course). But perhaps it's not entirely honest. Perhaps I'd do better to vent spleen every so often, to shout 'PARKER WAS brick!' or 'DEFOE WAS A clown shoe!' or 'AVB, I KNOW IT'S YOUR FIRST YEAR HERE BUT FARKIN' 'ELL GEEZER, YOU fudgeD UP THE TEAM SELECTION SUMFINK ROTTEN!' I might not carry any particular venom but I most certainly do think those things (specifically about yesterday). And with this being the case, why then come in on someone's ranting and try to offer a more 'reasoned' outlook? Because Dubaispur is right, the last thing an angry ranter needs is some self-serving zen-monster slithering in to offer a patronizing rebuke.
The truth is we all (basically) feel the same about Tottenham Hotspur and we all (generally) want the same for Tottenham Hotpsur. We all (basically) see the same mistakes and we all (basically) feel the same emotions.
Some of us try to be calm in our post-match analysis (and that's largely because we're done getting over-cooked due to having it done it too many times before) and some of us throw furious anger and vitriol post-match because, well, who knows, maybe life is dealing a brick hand and this is a good vent, or maybe it just IS really annoying and is IS worth having a roar about...
One thing's for sure.
We all love this club.
We all feel it's pain.
And we all feel it's glory.
Consider this an exploration of why we all react the way we do in the match thread for disappointments like losing at home to Fulham. And also
consider this an open apology for perhaps coming across like a sanctimonious prick sometimes.