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Is this acceptable?

spasm said:
ambiguous at best.
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Take a gander at the drugs thread. Don't want to take this off-topic, but this is a good discussion about which drugs have the potential to ruin your life, and which ones will make you finish two boxes of cereal in one night. Meth obviously falls into the former category.

raboner - I would have a talk with the twin brother since he can probably approach his brother about this more comfortably, but dealing with a meth head can be difficult and most likely will require professional help.
 
I would be out of there in a shot personally, go and live with parents until May.

Calling the Police IMO is a no no as you know the guy.. for me thats the very very very last thing on the list you should do (but ultimatley could end up doing it).

I would though get the other two sane housemates and ban the guy that comes round.

Say you wanna bring ladies, parents whatever, but this skank clown shoe is basically stopping this.

If the meth twin says no then just say outright that you are leaving, make him realise that if you all go seperate ways, he will probably end up in a bedsit where he will be found dead having been found 2 months later decomposed because no one wants any part of him anymore.

Stopping this guy coming round is the start maybe that he might try and sort himself out.

Its interesting though that you say its not just the meth twin thats inviting the meth skank round for the weekend. Obviously you need to alter minds. Sounds like you are also a bit of a pushover in whats happening here and you really need to say something.

Does this guy pay a contribution towards rent, I think its basically wrong that this guy would not be contributing to the rent, the bills etc.
 
Spursalot said:
Not really, if you know enough about the subject you will know which ones are more dangerous and which ones are safer.


As your view on it is don't do any drugs ever, i doubt you have actually looked into them.
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He's not technically wrong though, my uncle is an alcoholic and if you've ever properly been involved in an alcoholic's life, it is every part as horrible as any junky. His latest adventure has involved sitting in a chair for four days straight, paying "friends" to drop booze off for him as he bricks and tinkles himself, becuase he had run out of pain killers for his back and couldn't move (or couldn't be arsed, whichever). Someone eventually called an ambulance.

He's pretty much creamed. Still in his fourties and looks like a cross between Baron von Greenback and a corpse, it's a good look.

I think the thing that people probably miss when talking about drugs, especially "gateway" drugs, is that addictive personalities will pretty much get hooked on anything you throw their way. There is no "alright" drug. Psychological adiction is a very different beast to physical addiction and it's tenticles cover the whole rainbow of jollys.
 
I did it a fair bit at Uni - it is a horrible thing, it never did to me what it did to others I guess barring losing a few pounds. I dont have an addictive personality and was never addicted - I preferred to smoke weed etc (which PILED on the pounds)

HOWEVER; sometimes we seem to think we help people by just simply 'advising'. Helping comes in many forms but two of them is talking and actions. Dont just talk but actually drive him to some kind of rehab or something. If he is a mate then maybe do that - just depends how much of a mate he is and how much you value him. An intervention so to speak.
 
WookieD said:
He's not technically wrong though, my uncle is an alcoholic and if you've ever properly been involved in an alcoholic's life, it is every part as horrible as any junky. His latest adventure has involved sitting in a chair for four days straight, paying "friends" to drop booze off for him as he bricks and tinkles himself, becuase he had run out of pain killers for his back and couldn't move (or couldn't be arsed, whichever). Someone eventually called an ambulance.

He's pretty much creamed. Still in his fourties and looks like a cross between Baron von Greenback and a corpse, it's a good look.

I think the thing that people probably miss when talking about drugs, especially "gateway" drugs, is that addictive personalities will pretty much get hooked on anything you throw their way. There is no "alright" drug. Psychological adiction is a very different beast to physical addiction and it's tenticles cover the whole rainbow of jollys.
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Agree completely, was just going to post exactly the same.

My dad is an alcoholic, his parents both were (they were publicans though so it fuelled their success to some degree and ensured their son was alcoholic by 18!), my sister and I both have addictive peronality traits, I rarely (if ever) drink due to this, do like a smoke though (but this spirals if I am around someone who can give me it regularly so have to stop completely when I am in that environment).

In my dad's case, he earned thousands a week in the 80's and we should have been very wealthy, however my mother had enough by the time we were in our early teens and walked away, rightly so. Now he lives like a tramp, he has a house with no mortgage but it is in squalor and falling to pieces, yet just a few of years ago he was earning over ?ú100K and still managed to live fortnight to fortnight (where we would fall out almost every two weeks as he would repeatedly take money from my company, who he worked for, as he couldn't survive on ?ú4K a fortnight! with not mortgage!!!) I would give all my money to help him, do his house back up, but if I did he would just use that extra money to get tinkled every night until it was gone.

When I visited a few weekends ago his bathroom floor was soaked and there was mold all over it (and he has emphysema), when I asked what had caused it, he said there was a leak in the cistern he needed to glue back together! Probably a ?ú2 plumbing part would fix it, but that is 1 pint, so instead he had left it to probably destroy the floorboards and make it into a ?ú2-3K job over time (to replace the whole bathroom because of one f*cking leak). It got me down so much, as I had been thinking of paying for his flat roof to be repaired as that is leaking into the downstairs toilet, but the list of stuff to do is now probably bigger than my savings could cover (with my wife not working at the moment).

Sometimes you cannot help those you care for, sadly.

Raboner:

Hope you can help your mate, maybe you should just front him up and tell him (even better get an agreement that your mates will all say the same), that either he stops and tries to sort himself out now, or you will all be moving on. Tell him you love the person he is without the drugs (as these things are often due to people feeling incomplete somehow without the high).

Good luck chap.
 
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Sorry to hear that Gifter. Alcoholism really is a horrible thing. My Grandmother had it as well. Luckily for me, I'm OK.
 
One of my mates has a similar problem. His flatmate is always smoking weed/doing lines of coke in his flat. He's had words with him before and asked him to not do it. Tough situation. If the old bill pay him and visit and find anything, then my mate could be the one who gets in trouble.
 
Kingdawson said:
Calling the police on your mate? Dear me man he'd be an utter knob to do that.
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1. his "mate" doesnt sound like much of a mate at the mo
2. he has to look after no 1 and his mate is stopping that (deposit, everyday life etc)
3. yeah his mate will get charged (but hey, if dont wanna get arrested dont comit crime) - but he will also get some help and rehab that is sounds like he needs and might just save/improve his life

its a big call and only one the OP can make as he knows all the details, but sounds to me like its gone way beyond "the friend code"
 
monkeybarry said:
1. his "mate" doesnt sound like much of a mate at the mo
2. he has to look after no 1 and his mate is stopping that (deposit, everyday life etc)
3. yeah his mate will get charged (but hey, if dont wanna get arrested dont comit crime) - but he will also get some help and rehab that is sounds like he needs and might just save/improve his life

its a big call and only one the OP can make as he knows all the details, but sounds to me like its gone way beyond "the friend code"
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yes his mate is harming himself but you don't call the police because your friend has a drug problem ffs. By all means kick him out the house and offer him help but calling police because your mate does drugs? Nah no way. Besides the op stated he does coke himself and although not as bad it's still illegal so how the hell can you call the police on your mate when you yourself is technically breaking the law.
 
Kingdawson said:
yes his mate is harming himself but you don't call the police because your friend has a drug problem ffs. By all means kick him out the house and offer him help but calling police because your mate does drugs? Nah no way. Besides the op stated he does coke himself and although not as bad it's still illegal so how the hell can you call the police on your mate when you yourself is technically breaking the law.
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its certainly not black and white for sure and is really easy sit here typing vs having to actually do it

his friend is on some nasty stuff by all accounts and the only way is down
OP says they have tried help, but seems to fall on deaf ears
although simplistic, i think i would have to ask - what if he isnt around in a year? IF i had forced him to get help (ie call Police), would he still be alive?

but like i say, it may not be quite that black and white
 
monkeybarry said:
its certainly not black and white for sure and is really easy sit here typing vs having to actually do it

his friend is on some nasty stuff by all accounts and the only way is down
OP says they have tried help, but seems to fall on deaf ears
although simplistic, i think i would have to ask - what if he isnt around in a year? IF i had forced him to get help (ie call Police), would he still be alive?

but like i say, it may not be quite that black and white
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Getting him a criminal record isn't going to help him. You can get him in rehab without calling the police. Go to his parents first and make them face up to it.
 
WookieD said:
Getting him a criminal record isn't going to help him. You can get him in rehab without calling the police. Go to his parents first and make them face up to it.
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Exactly. How is him getting a caution going to help his drug problem? Calling the police on your mate is a slimy thing to do and he should also tell the police about his occasional speed/coke/weed usage if he'll stoop that low to rat out his mate for a drug problem. Tell his parents is a good idea though and that's what he should do if he really cares.
 
im not going to call the police on him.. that would be an ABSOLUTE last resort and as mentioned earlier, most likely wouldn't help him at all..

i have decided that i am leaving the house in june and i will get a place on my own.. i have let him know that if he carries on the way he is, he will end up with no mates at all.. i have told him i am leaving and that my other housemate (not his twin) will be leaving also..

i ended our conversation by telling him i feel like i no longer have anything in common with him and if he wants to change his life, it is entirely his responsibility.. surely the buck stops with him? ..

if he keeps losing friends he will either move into a crack den or seek out real help (his family will support him if he seeks their assistance) ..

sigh. it's a sad situation :( one ill be glad to see the back of...

thanks for the feedback everyone :)
 
raboner said:
im not going to call the police on him.. that would be an ABSOLUTE last resort and as mentioned earlier, most likely wouldn't help him at all..

i have decided that i am leaving the house in june and i will get a place on my own.. i have let him know that if he carries on the way he is, he will end up with no mates at all.. i have told him i am leaving and that my other housemate (not his twin) will be leaving also..

i ended our conversation by telling him i feel like i no longer have anything in common with him and if he wants to change his life, it is entirely his responsibility.. surely the buck stops with him? ..

if he keeps losing friends he will either move into a crack den or seek out real help (his family will support him if he seeks their assistance) ..

sigh. it's a sad situation :( one ill be glad to see the back of...

thanks for the feedback everyone :)
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good luck dude, hope it all works out ok
 
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