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Guilt Trips

My wife has just gone fudging apebrick because I booked the sky engineer to come and forgot to tell her do they turned up today unannounced. She likes to do a full spring clean before anyone comes round so she's gone mad. Am I the only one who sees this as disproportionate? Literally shouting full blooded at me for an hour.

I felt bad to start with and that has now turned to indifference. And then thinking I might just fudge off for a drive. She's upstairs now. If she comes down and says one more word to me I'm off.
 
Leeds Spur said:
My wife has just gone fudging apebrick because I booked the sky engineer to come and forgot to tell her do they turned up today unannounced. She likes to do a full spring clean before anyone comes round so she's gone mad. Am I the only one who sees this as disproportionate? Literally shouting full blooded at me for an hour.

I felt bad to start with and that has now turned to indifference. And then thinking I might just fudge off for a drive. She's upstairs now. If she comes down and says one more word to me I'm off.
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Angry sex dude - the way to go.

I cant imagine what it would be like if i had that - proper guilt trip. I sympathise with you married lot. At least with a girlfriend you can fudge n leave.
 
DHSF - I say your response is quite normal, you should (if it is a repeated trait your mother is showing) confront her, but not whilst your emotions are high, just keep a mental note, that when you are in a good moment you will bring it up and calmly and kindly tell her that it is your fault, but when she does X that it upsets you and makes you less likely to be able to be a good person (ensure here that you emphasize that it is your fault, all women seem to want to hear that) as it throws you off course. Without knowing exactly what it is difficult, but if it is trivial, whilst in this mode of subserviant son, it may help to explain that the situation makes you less able mentally to deal with whatever is underneath and causing it.

Though if you are really in the wrong and she has called you up on it be a man and say sorry! (I hate doing this but have to, as, just occasionally I am wrong!)
 
Leeds Spur said:
My wife has just gone fudging apebrick because I booked the sky engineer to come and forgot to tell her do they turned up today unannounced. She likes to do a full spring clean before anyone comes round so she's gone mad. Am I the only one who sees this as disproportionate? Literally shouting full blooded at me for an hour.

I felt bad to start with and that has now turned to indifference. And then thinking I might just fudge off for a drive. She's upstairs now. If she comes down and says one more word to me I'm off.
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She is undoubtedly to good for you (assuming she is real and not imaginary, in fact scrap that, even if she is imaginary), hence you should do whatever the she says! ;)
 
Gifter said:
DHSF - I say your response is quite normal, you should (if it is a repeated trait your mother is showing) confront her, but not whilst your emotions are high, just keep a mental note, that when you are in a good moment you will bring it up and calmly and kindly tell her that it is your fault, but when she does X that it upsets you and makes you less likely to be able to be a good person (ensure here that you emphasize that it is your fault, all women seem to want to hear that) as it throws you off course. Without knowing exactly what it is difficult, but if it is trivial, whilst in this mode of subserviant son, it may help to explain that the situation makes you less able mentally to deal with whatever is underneath and causing it.

Though if you are really in the wrong and she has called you up on it be a man and say sorry! (I hate doing this but have to, as, just occasionally I am wrong!)
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My mother, but even women I have encountered, abuse my good nature. I can be a right **** the majority of the time but guilt trips, especially when they turn it around to me, can work on me.

I am definitely getting a harder shell but just wondered and typically ignore things - just wondered how people deal with guilt trips.
 
Leeds Spur said:
I went for a drive.
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Wise choice, if I'm in rage mode it is the only thing to do. Put some space in between to boiling point.

I'm a big advocate of apologising after, even if you don't feel you are in the wrong, choosing you wars and all that. It's good to keep in mind that underneath nearly all women have a sense of supression that we can never really understand, hence they long to be told they were right (I find my wife to be much more likely to admit she was wrong if I apologise first in most scenarios).

It may seem petty to you (it does to me, kind of), but if she has been brought up with these type of things being important (and probably chastised herself for not following this course by parents) then these learned behavours are very hard to shake or see as being dated.

Of on a tangent - It's quite japanese. Met a guy when travelling who was telling us about face, he said over there he fell in with some guys who shoplifted and he started to, because their culture was such, at the time (70's I'd guess), that if they saw a tourist shopliftiing they would turn the other cheek, literally turn away, as to have a foreign tourist arrested for shoplifting would bring such shame to them that it was considered better to let the tourist get away with it!
 
DHSF said:
My mother, but even women I have encountered, abuse my good nature. I can be a right **** the majority of the time but guilt trips, especially when they turn it around to me, can work on me.

I am definitely getting a harder shell but just wondered and typically ignore things - just wondered how people deal with guilt trips.
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I think emotional softness is the most beautiful of qualities, personally I don't think you should try to harden at all (except in creating a front to cover sometimes). It may mean some women will trample over you, but it is worth it, they are just trying to rid themselves of that same hardening by putting it on you.

Emtotional hardening/armour is something which I believe leads to alot of problems in later life, don't go postal dude!
 
Gifter. My wife is a very feisty woman. That's why I married her! :) I could never be with a shy and retiring type as I'm too aggressive and garrulous. I'm quick to anger and so is she and we both don't hold a grudge. Opposites attract they say but birds of a feather and all that!!
 
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