Parent behaviour at youth matches

[Lemonade Money]

Stop shouting: how Sweden tackled misbehaving parents at kids’ football
A survey in Sweden showed the staggering impact pushy parents were having on children. One in three had considered quitting football – so three Stockholm clubs decided to act

The AIK vice-captain, Stefan Ishizaki, said: ‘In a child’s sporting environment joy always has to be the most important thing’ Photograph: MakiEni's photo/Getty Images

Let’s be honest: it is not a good look, is it? A parent standing by the side of a pitch shouting at their young child during a football game. Yet it happens so often. In fact, it sometimes seems harder to find a youth game with well-behaved parents than with misbehaving ones.

In Sweden this year the main three Stockholm clubs suspected as much and asked for a survey into how prevalent this problem is and, more importantly, how it is affecting the children. The results were staggering.

It transpired that one in three children had considered quitting the game because of what the survey called “over-engaged” parents. Of the 1,016 adults who answered the survey, 83%said they had seen parents who were pushing their children too much or criticised young referees and officials loudly.

The three Stockholm clubs – Djurgarden, AIK and Hammarby, who had commissioned the survey together with Volkswagen – were appalled by the numbers and decided to act.

The clubs do not always see eye to eye (or at least their fans don’t) but they immediately joined forces to launch an initiative to combat the problem. They sat down together and came up with a short yet encompassing “football code” that they hope will lead to a change in behaviour by adults watching youth football.

The code reads as follows:

“I, as a parent, will do everything I can to support my child, other children, club staff, referees and parents in training and at games – through a positive involvement.”

The response has been incredible. More than 1,600 parents have signed up to the code and more are doing so by the day. Parents have also asked the clubs to print the code on T-shirts so that the message can be shared more widely. Other top-flight clubs in Sweden have expressed an interest in joining the initiative.

And maybe, just maybe, the fact that three of the most high-profile clubs are behind this initiative will lead to a change in behaviour all over the country. The clubs’ players were keen to get involved too, with the AIK vice-captain, Stefan Ishizaki, saying: “In a child’s sporting environment joy always has to be the most important thing because if it is then they can carry them with them for the rest of their lives. The matches, the tournaments or training sessions where you get to spend time with your friends and do something you love.

Patrick Ekwall hitting the tickle my balls with a feather. “What is wrong with people?” he wrote. “That is the first question I ask myself when I find out the results of a new survey about footballing parents. What is wrong with adults who shout and yell at their eight-year-old or at a 14-year-old referee in a seven-a-side game? They are insane, that is what’s wrong.”

This is not a problem confined to Sweden: it is a worldwide matter that seems to be getting worse.

But to combat problems you have to start somewhere and that is exactly what the three Stockholm clubs have done. The initiative has gained momentum in Sweden and hopefully, by the end of the year, all the top-flight clubs will have signed up and perhaps, next year, most clubs in the country will adhere to the code.

And what is stopping a Premier League club, or a La Liga club from introducing and promoting a similar code? And then perhaps, step by step, we could move towards a world where young children can play football without being shouted at – or is that too much to ask?

https://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2017/jul/10/shouting-parents-football-sweden-football-code

 

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Pick of the comments:

The sad truth is because it's something people care so much about football brings out the best and worst in people. When it comes to worst this tends to mean mums and (more often) dads either shouting and having a go at their kids or the ref or (more commonly in my experience) trying to coach their kid through the game. As a coach this really irks me, but I also find it vaguely amusing - why are you paying for your kid to come and be a part of my team when you seem to think you could do a better job? Etc. etc. - fortunately you find the vast majority of parents back down as soon as you offer a friendly word of advice asking them to please keep quiet and just offer simple encouragement.

On the rare occasion you do get a proper Sunday Mourinho (and in fairness to parents I have only met one in my career) the best thing to do is just take them to the side and ask if they reckon they know a reasonable amount about maths. When they inevitably reply yes you simply ask if they tend to go into their child's maths class on a Wednesday morning and start shouting at their kid while he's doing his times tables, or trying to teach them yourself in a way that's totally different from what their experienced and qualified maths teacher is telling them. Once they realise how ridiculous they're being they tend to get quite embarrassed and back down.

That said, I like this idea. Anything that creates a better environment for kids to learn and improve in makes perfect sense to me.

I stopped in the park next door to me one Sunday a while ago to have a look at two kids' teams playing in what was a surprisingly competent manner for their age (under 12), and it was obviously a competition of some standing as there was rather more than the usual number of parental spectators around. Instead of just admiring these kids' amazing understanding of the game and the skills on display there was also, unfortunately, a higher than usual number of those incredibly distasteful parents present too who yelled abuse at the "opposition" all the time, at their own kids' team when a move broke down, at the referee (a lad of about 18) with every decision he made, and - ugliest of all - their own offspring for no other obvious reason than that they appeared to think that their property could be abused with impunity. One guy in particular was worse than the rest (or maybe just louder in fact) and he had already been told politely by some others stood around him to tone it down, but to no avail.

After about 20 minutes or so of this the referee suddenly stopped the match. He called the "managers" over, had a chat with them, and then all three approached the wally, who was then promptly brandished a red card (biggest cheer from the crowd in the game so far). When he quite predictably took this as a cue only to raise his invective, his volume, and his threats against the youthful official the young lad, calmly but audibly so all could hear within earshot, told him that he either voluntarily removed himself or both he and his son would be sent off. It was up to him whether he wished to end his boy's fledgling career there and then or not. This seemed to set up an irresolvible dichotomy in the fool's brain with which he noisily struggled to grapple. There was a last flurry of foul-mouthed bluster, this time directed against all the previous targets but also, it seemed, his GHod, his imagined political opponents, and even himself in a sort of multi-decibel "Gollum/Smeagol" transaction. Then suddenly, realising probably for the first time in his life that even by the low standards of "over engaged parents" that he had stepped several leagues over the line, he turned on his heels and stormed noisily off into oblivion.

His kid's "manager" had been having a quiet word with the boy in the meantime. Once the wally was a dot on the horizon heading furiously back to the where his carriage of choice was parked, then the game was restarted. The eejit's son actually smiled and clapped the ref as he ran back to arrange the drop-ball.

You never heard such polite parents as then spectated and cheered for the remainder of the game.

 

[parklane1]

This has been a problem with kids football here as well and not just at park level. A few years ago i spent some time at the Norwich academy working with their youngsters, we used to have problems with the parents at a lot of game ( even at training sessions). In the end the club told the parents that if they wanted to attend these sessions/games then they would have to stand behind a roped off section which was half a football pitch away from the drills.

 

[inkpenspur]

I know it refers to rugby, but a lot of the problem in all junior sport is that parents are trying to live their dreams through their children... this is the message that needs to be better understood