Right, apologies in advance, as this is going to be a long one and for the click-bait-y Subject. Feel free to tune out and hop into another thread…
So I have been a very long time member of this board, right back to the Something’s Happening days – some old timers will remember that! – but I’ve become more than a little dismayed at what this place has descended into over the past few months.
I’ve seen long time contributors whose posts I’ve always used to looked forward to and enjoy reading, even if they didn’t reflect my own view, reduced to baiting others. Goading them. And prodding them into a reaction just so that they can make their own points more forcibly and therefore suppressing genuine debate, intentionally or otherwise. At times, it has descended into a cesspool of noxious debate as unseemly as the House of Commons over the past few years.
Unfortunately, such a stain as this on public discourse is not unique to this wonderful message board; it is a symptom of wider society where we increasingly seek out only those that validate our own opinions, unconsciously creating echo chambers where only those in agreement congregate, fracturing the communities in which we find ourselves.
Yet I, too, am guilty. I recognise this behaviour in myself. There are two members in a Spurs whatsapp group I belong to that tend to disagree with a lot of my views. And it bloody kills me. I don’t fully know why, but it does. I find it excruciatingly hard to reconcile that they simply cannot see what I can see. Or at least what I believe I can see. I find myself starting messages with ‘I feel we just need to…’ or even worse ‘it’s obvious’. No Dave, it’s not necessarily ‘obvious’. What I may ‘feel’ may not be what others do. What I do need to do, is to try and suppress the need, unconscious or otherwise, to suppress others’ views, to stop ramming my perspective down the throats of others, as frustrating as it can feel. People should be allowed to disagree. It is the foundation of democracy.
So why does this bother me so much? It’s don’t know. Perhaps I am just fearful of what the future holds for ‘civilised’ society. My girlfriend and I were having a conversation following a family argument at the weekend, where I was trying to mediate a disagreement between my Mum and my brother. She told me I have extremely heightened emotional intelligence, and I have potentially unreasonably high expectations of others, that people feel as much as I do. This is very true. I’m aware of this though, which helps to keep me in check and, again, keep at the front of my mind that we are slightly different. Or at least we should be capable of respecting other peoples’ differences.
I believe that we all want the same thing - Spurs to be a winning team - there I go again, assuming! But a lot of us ascribe different things to the team we follow. We often want them to become an extension of ourselves or reflect our values, to reinforce our own sense of self. I desperately want to believe in our figurehead, that they are a good person, that treats people with respect and wins with style. But that's just me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as dismayed as many that are upset by the recent turn of events. I get others aren’t ‘upset’, they are dispassionate and just want us to stop being forever the bridesmaid. For some, that is potentially whatever the cost. I get there is a whole spectrum of views in between these rather simplistic takes.
Just remember, we live in extremely fractious times, both in supporting our beloved Spurs and within the backdrop of a highly unstable political and social landscape. Perhaps we could all use a short amount of time to reflect on the ways in which we’ve posted and treated our fellow Spurs fans on this board over the past few months.
My ask here is simple: Be civil, be respectful and be kind to each other. We are all, but Spurs fans, are we not? Those are the ties that bind us together. For better or worse. In the bad times, and the good.
Apologies for this somewhat emotional post. I’ve just needed to get it off my chest for a while. I welcome all views here on the matter of discourse, even if they don’t reflect my own.
COYS.
So I have been a very long time member of this board, right back to the Something’s Happening days – some old timers will remember that! – but I’ve become more than a little dismayed at what this place has descended into over the past few months.
I’ve seen long time contributors whose posts I’ve always used to looked forward to and enjoy reading, even if they didn’t reflect my own view, reduced to baiting others. Goading them. And prodding them into a reaction just so that they can make their own points more forcibly and therefore suppressing genuine debate, intentionally or otherwise. At times, it has descended into a cesspool of noxious debate as unseemly as the House of Commons over the past few years.
Unfortunately, such a stain as this on public discourse is not unique to this wonderful message board; it is a symptom of wider society where we increasingly seek out only those that validate our own opinions, unconsciously creating echo chambers where only those in agreement congregate, fracturing the communities in which we find ourselves.
Yet I, too, am guilty. I recognise this behaviour in myself. There are two members in a Spurs whatsapp group I belong to that tend to disagree with a lot of my views. And it bloody kills me. I don’t fully know why, but it does. I find it excruciatingly hard to reconcile that they simply cannot see what I can see. Or at least what I believe I can see. I find myself starting messages with ‘I feel we just need to…’ or even worse ‘it’s obvious’. No Dave, it’s not necessarily ‘obvious’. What I may ‘feel’ may not be what others do. What I do need to do, is to try and suppress the need, unconscious or otherwise, to suppress others’ views, to stop ramming my perspective down the throats of others, as frustrating as it can feel. People should be allowed to disagree. It is the foundation of democracy.
So why does this bother me so much? It’s don’t know. Perhaps I am just fearful of what the future holds for ‘civilised’ society. My girlfriend and I were having a conversation following a family argument at the weekend, where I was trying to mediate a disagreement between my Mum and my brother. She told me I have extremely heightened emotional intelligence, and I have potentially unreasonably high expectations of others, that people feel as much as I do. This is very true. I’m aware of this though, which helps to keep me in check and, again, keep at the front of my mind that we are slightly different. Or at least we should be capable of respecting other peoples’ differences.
I believe that we all want the same thing - Spurs to be a winning team - there I go again, assuming! But a lot of us ascribe different things to the team we follow. We often want them to become an extension of ourselves or reflect our values, to reinforce our own sense of self. I desperately want to believe in our figurehead, that they are a good person, that treats people with respect and wins with style. But that's just me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as dismayed as many that are upset by the recent turn of events. I get others aren’t ‘upset’, they are dispassionate and just want us to stop being forever the bridesmaid. For some, that is potentially whatever the cost. I get there is a whole spectrum of views in between these rather simplistic takes.
Just remember, we live in extremely fractious times, both in supporting our beloved Spurs and within the backdrop of a highly unstable political and social landscape. Perhaps we could all use a short amount of time to reflect on the ways in which we’ve posted and treated our fellow Spurs fans on this board over the past few months.
My ask here is simple: Be civil, be respectful and be kind to each other. We are all, but Spurs fans, are we not? Those are the ties that bind us together. For better or worse. In the bad times, and the good.
Apologies for this somewhat emotional post. I’ve just needed to get it off my chest for a while. I welcome all views here on the matter of discourse, even if they don’t reflect my own.
COYS.
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